Just One
by Chapin CSI
Summary: Short Stories, UNRELATED except where indicated. NEW: "Kiss the Bride" part 2. Tony never thought Pepper would marry a man she didn't love. He was wrong. Can he stop the wedding on time?
1. Just One, Drama & Romance

Just one

Summary: "I want one." He'd been saying those words for months now, and he'd said them so often, she didn't realize he was actually being serious about it.

Notes:

I loved IM2 but I wish there'd been more Tony/Pepper scenes! Tony & dummy scenes, too. I love that silly robot.

This story takes place in the plane, after they leave Monaco, (I loved that scene. RDJ is heartbreaking in it.)

Trixie appears in IM; she's the dark-haired stewardess who offers a hot towel to Tony. She sleeps with him in that flight, but the scene was deleted. (Can you tell I'm totally obsessed with this movie?)

* * *

The stewardess entered the little cabin and, studiously avoiding eye-contact with Tony Stark, addressed the young woman sitting opposite him.

"You may unfasten your seat belts now, Miss Potts." She smiled cordially, "We hope to see you again soon."

"Thank you," Pepper said just as sweetly. Her smile lasted until Trixie left the room. Once alone with Tony, she gave him a knowing look.

"What?" Tony frowned.

"Nothing."

"What do you mean, 'nothing'? That look meant something."

Pepper shrugged. "I just recognized the symptoms, that's all." She unfastened her seatbelt and was promptly on her feet, her movements as efficient and economical as always. She had her purse and the book she'd been reading, and was all ready to depart, then realized that Tony hadn't even unfastened his seatbelt. "Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Tony, we're home."

"I didn't wanna come home."

Pepper stared.

"Tony," she said slowly. "I'm only going to ask you this one more time: Is there anything you're not telling me?"

He almost told her, right then and there; of all the people in the world, Pepper was the only one he could trust with a secret. But she was also the last person he wanted to know about this particular secret. He didn't want to frighten her, and he didn't want her to worry.

Mostly, he didn't want to appear helpless in front of her.

Anything but that.

"Tony?"

He forced a smile.

"I want one."

She rolled her eyes.

He'd been saying those words to her for months, ever since she'd rejected his romantic advances. He never said the full phrase, 'I want a kiss,' but he didn't have to; she knew very well what he meant. It had become like a little joke between them, with him blurting out the words even at the most inopportune moments -even at a congress hearing.

She didn't mind; she just didn't take them seriously. Not after the 100th time.

"Oh, Tony," she muttered tiredly.

"Come on," he insisted. "Just one." Playfully, he reached for her hand. He didn't dare taking it, though; instead, he merely touched the tips of her fingers. She tried to pull her hand away, but he didn't let her; he held on to it, and gently examined her fingers. He didn't get a chance to do that very often. "These saved my life once," he said softly. He looked up. "Do you remember?"

"Yes."

_How ironic that the palkadium had turned out to be a silent killer. _

"Tony? Tony, we've got to go."

"Would you kiss me if my life depended on it?" he asked.

"What?"

He'd blurted out the words, and now there was no turning back.

"You know," he said. "A kiss from one's true love," he said. "To wake me up." He smiled a little; it was a ludicrous thought and he knew it, but science and technology had failed him so far, and he was running out of options. _He didn't want to die, damn it!_

Pepper was looking at him with a mixture of concern and weariness.

"Oh, Tony; I wish you wouldn't start drinking so early."

"I'm not drinking," he said indignantly. "This is serious!"

"This?" she repeated. "What is _this_?" She glanced at his fingers still touching hers. "What is this, Tony?" she waited for a long time in fact but no answer came. She nodded as if she'd known all along she would not get one. She finally pulled her hand away. "We have work to do," she said levelly. "Let's go." And she started to walk away.

"Just tell me this," he said abruptly. "Did I ever have a chance with you?" He looked over his shoulder, saw her stop in mid step.

She slowly turned to look at him.

"What?"

"Were you ever gonna give me a chance?" he said. "I've been asking you for one all this time."

She sighed.

"Tony, I just don't -" she didn't finish.

"Hey. It's ok," he added, using his best 'I can handle it' tone. "You can tell me."

She didn't immediately speak. "Just tell me this," she said at last, "Have you ever gone out on a second date?"

"Sure."

She eyed him skeptically.

He frowned. "I must have," he said uncertainly. "When I was in… Or was it when I…?" Damn! He couldn't lie fast enough. "I _know_ it happened," he said stubbornly.

She couldn't help to smile at his efforts.

"Well, how about this," she said. "Did you sleep with her?" And she tilted her head in the opposite door's direction, the one that led to the Stewardess' cabin. "What's her name –Trixie? Did you sleep with her?" It was obvious that she already knew the answer to that, but she wanted to make him admit it out loud. He didn't. "It's ok," she said gently. "It's ok, Tony. I know how it is. I've been taking care of your dates for years, remember? I _know_ how it is," she added pointedly. She smiled, but her words were bitter. "I don't want to be one of them, Tony. There'd be no one out there to take care of me, you see."

She turned to go.

"I'll be waiting in the car," she said.

Tony didn't move. The next thing he knew, Trixie was there, unfastening his seatbelt and helping him out of his seat, even though he didn't need the help. She held his coat for him.

"Was I discreet enough, Mr. Stark?"

"Yes, you were," he said patiently.

"Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"I'm fine. No, wait," he added, "Get me a drink. One for the road."

"Anything in particular?"

"Surprise me," he said. "I just want to stop thinking, ok?"

* * *

No wonder Tony was drunk at his birthday party...

But don't worry; they're gonna be fine in the end.


	2. Just a bit of news part one

I said 'just one' but then I thought of another story, and then another... Unfortunately, my English isn't very strong, so each story's a struggle.

Anyway, here's one set a few months after IM2. (It's not necessarily a follow-up to Just one, by the way).

Just a little bit of news

JARVIS tells Tony more than he's prepared to hear.

* * *

Tony Stark entered his workshop and made a beeline to the kitchen, enticed by the aroma of freshly brewed coffee.

For once, Dummy had managed the task without causing a short circuit.

"Well done, Dummy," Tony said gruffly. "Maybe I won't be sending you to that city college, after all." Looking over his shoulder, he said, "JARVIS? You up?"

"_Yes, Sir_."

"Any news?"

_"I have finished your monthly medical check-up, Sir."_

"Great," Tony said. He was keeping close tabs on his health these days. After his Palladium scare a few months before, he wasn't taking any chances, so he'd created a medical system that allowed JARVIS to run an unobtrusive medical check-up at any given time.

_"Shall I render the results?"_

"Thrill me." Actually, he was only vaguely interested; he knew JARVIS would have alerted him the moment he'd detected anything unusual.

Right now, he was more interested on the rich flavor of his Expresso. He took a sip, held it in his mouth for a moment, then slowly let it slip down his throat...

It was heavenly.

_"- in conclusion," _JARVIS said at last, _"An increase of green vegetables consumption is recommended, sir."_

"Yuck," Tony muttered. Ah, well. At least JARVIS hadn't mentioned anything about his increasing coffee consumption -

_"Sir,"_ JARVIS continued, _"I have the results of Ms Potts' medical check-up too."_

"You ran a check-up on Pepper? Why?"

_"Since her status as a visitor has changed from that of 'employee' to girlfriend-"_

"I prefer to call it 'visitor with privileges'," Tony interjected, but JARVIS ignored him.

_"- __I considered it appropriate to run a medical check-up on her too."_

"Well," Tony said, raising the cup again, "I hope she's as healthy as she looks."

_"She certainly is,"_ JARVIS said promptly. _"Her pregnancy is developing quite normally indeed."_

"Wha -" Tony spoke (or tried to) while still holding a mouthful of coffee –not a good idea at all. He coughed and spat coffee all over the floor, while fending off Dummy's clumsy attempts to help at the same time.

"Oh, shit," he managed at last, "JARVIS, please, tell me I didn't hear what I think you just said!"

_"There is nothing wrong with your hearing, sir," _JARVIS said inexorably. _"You must have heard me correctly."_

* * *

Gee, JARVIS needs to learn how to deliver these news!


	3. Just a bit of news part two

Just a little bit of news

Part two

Thank you for reviewing my story; it's very encouraging (mind-blowing, too; I'd never get so many reviews for a single chapter!). I hope you like part two.

* * *

Tony mechanically sat on the couch.

"Ok," he said. "I can handle this. I'm calm. I'm calm and -Shit." He wasn't calm at all. "JARVIS?"

_"Sir?" _

"Does Pepper know?"

_"She is aware of her condition, Sir. She's two months into her pregnancy."_

"Two months?" Jesus. "I don't get it," he said. "How could this happen -no, wait, that's a dumb question." But it was a dumb situation to be in, wasn't it? He'd always been so damn careful, even in his worst alcohol-fueled days! To have this happen to him now that he was stone-cold sober...

And what about Pepper?

"Did you see her reaction when she found out she was -" he let the word trail off. He couldn't even say it out loud. "You think she's happy?"

_"Ms Potts cried when she found out, Sir,"_ JARVIS said promptly. _"It is impossible for me to make an assessment on her emotional status, however. I suggest you ask her whether those were tears of joy or grief."_

"Sure," Tony said sarcastically. "All I have to do now is barge into her office and ask her if she's glad I knocked her up."

_"You might want to rephrase that question more delicately, sir, but yes, that's the next step to take."_

Tony stalled.

"I could have someone ask her for me," he started, then raised a hand to keep JARVIS from stating the obvious. "I know, I know; there's no one I can trust with this."

Damn! It was almost enough to make him wish for the old days, when he would have dealt with this kind of trouble by leaving it in someone else's hands -a lawyer, most probably- while he made himself scarce. He couldn't do that anymore. Well, technically, he still could, but he didn't want to.

He raised his gaze and met his own reflection on the glass doors.

"It's time to grow up."

_"Indeed, Sir."_

* * *

Pepper was surprised to see him.

"You're not supposed to be here today."

"I just dropped by to see how you're doing."

She eyed him appreciatively; he was wearing a dark grey suit and a white shirt-burgundy tie combo she was especially fond of.

He walked to her desk then changed his mind; she still had those damn swinging sticks, and they still drove him nuts. Instead, he sauntered over to the window, aware that she was following his every move.

He glanced at her.

"So," he said casually, "How are you doing?"

"I'm very well, thank you," she said, playing along. "Nothing's changed since breakfast."

"Good."

His smile faded.

"We need to talk."

"All right," she said, smiling uncertainly. "If it's about the Hennessey contract, I'm still going over it -" and she glanced at the papers on her desk.

"It's not. Something happened, today," he said slowly. "JARVIS made a discovery."

"A discovery? What kind of discovery?" She was instantly on her feet, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," he said, raising a hand so she wouldn't come to him. "It's about you, actually."

"Me? What is it?"

"He says you're pregnant."

She stared at him in incomprehension, and for a couple of seconds Tony wondered whether JARVIS had made a mistake -in which case he would be totally relieved but also totally panicked, 'cause if JARVIS wasn't running smoothly then he had a huge problem in his hands-

But he was digressing.

He kept his gaze on Pepper, waiting for some reaction.

"Oh, my God," she said suddenly. "Oh, my God, you had JARVIS _spy _on me?"

"I did not!" he said indignantly, "He was running a medical check-up on me and decided to run one on you at the same time. He says you're two-months pregnant and _you_ still haven't said yes or no!"

Her lips parted but no sound came.

'Shit', Tony thought.

"Were you going to tell me? At all?"

She was going to answer, then didn't. She shook her head. "I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I wanted to."

"You _wanted_ to?"

"I tried to tell you, Tony; believe me, I did. But every time I started, I -I just couldn't. You were so happy with the way things were -"

Tony looked down. Even now, after all they'd been through, she was still protecting him.

"I suppose you know more than I do about it now," she said wearily.

He did, very probably. JARVIS had accumulated a wealth of information on the baby and its development.

He looked at her. "What are we gonna do?"

She looked up in surprise. "Do you want to be involved?"

"I _am_ involved, already," he glared.

"But you're not happy about it."

"Are _you _happy about it?"

She turned to the window before she answered.

"I was happy," she said quietly. "Until I realized I'd probably have to choose between the two of you. I wasn't ready to face that possibility, Tony. That's why I didn't tell you." She glanced at him. "But I'm telling you now."

There was a silent question in her eyes.

Tony looked down.

"You know I never wanted -" he paused. He didn't want to say the wrong thing here, but he wanted to be honest.

"I always thought I'd be the last Stark," he said awkwardly. "I was ok with that; I come from a long line of screw-ups, so," he shrugged. "There's a history of chemical dependency in my family -which you've seen first-hand with me. Both my parents drank -it was about the only thing they had in common -and I, well -" he paused. He took a deep breath. "What I'm trying to say is, I'm not four-star daddy material, Pepper."

He looked back at her.

"But I want this."

She blinked.

"You do?"

"Yeah." He said it as if he'd just found out. He reached for her hand. "I think I'm ready for this. You're right. I am happy. I'm happy _and_ sober, which is a rare combination for me." He meant it as a joke, but they both knew it was also the truth. "You know how easily I could screw this up, but -"

"I could screw up too," she said wearily.

"Not you."

"Wanna bet? I've never been this scared in my life."

"You're scared?" That as a huge revelation. He was so used to her being in charge, it never really occurred to him that she might feel inadequate. Or that she might need his support.

He pulled her into his arms.

"Hey, I'm scared too," he said, holding her tightly. "You're not alone in this."

"Do you mean that?"

"I think so," he said dubiously. He pulled back to look at her. "Listen; I _don't _want to screw up. But if I do -"

"I'll let you know."

He looked at her as if for the first time in a long time. "A baby, Potts. Do we have any idea what we're getting into?"

She smiled. "We can ask JARVIS to do some research for us."

And that was the right thing to say.

"Yeah. Yeah," Tony said, instantly reassured. "We can do that. And you know," he said, glancing around, "I was thinking; I could build a crib that would fit right here in your office. One for mine too, so we can take turns taking care of him -"

"Or her," Pepper added pointedly, but he didn't hear; he was walking around the office, lost in thought, his mind bursting with ideas.

"- and I'll put a safety seat in each car -a safety seat built by me, course; I don't trust those in the market. Hey, maybe I can even -" he didn't finish, but his eyes had a wild gleam she knew all too well.

"Oh, no," Pepper said, following him. "You're not going to build him a suit!"

"Build _her_ a suit," he amended.

"Tony, no; you're not dragging this baby into -"

"Into the family business?" he said, smiling winningly. "Why not?"

"I can give you a dozen reasons!"

"It's too early to think of that, anyway," he said, dismissing the idea, "First things first; I'm gonna get JARVIS to do that research. Then I'll reboot Dummy so we can put him on diaper-changing patrol -"

Pepper's eyes bulged.

"Dummy? Absolutely not!"

He stopped and smiled. God, he loved to tease her.

"I'm kidding, Potts. Gee, give me some credit," and then he smiled, "I think this is gonna be fun."

* * *

the end


	4. Just a bit of news, part three

Just a little bit of news

Part three

Notes:

Thank you for your reviews!

For part three I'm using ideas offered by a couple of reviewers (please read the notes at the end of the chapter). In fact, it was mmkfire's comment that inspired me to write this, (thanks!)

Some of my favorite moments in IM and IM2 come from Tony interacting with JARVIS and his robots Dummy and 'you', so I always find an excuse to include them.

* * *

"I got it… I got it…" Tony Stark said, fingers feverishly moving all over the keyboard. "I got…"

Suddenly, just as the formula he was working on started to take shape, it disappeared from the screen.

Tony stared in disbelief.

"JARVIS? Did you just kill the program?"

_"Yes, sir," _JARVIS said unrepentantly. "_It's eleven-thirty."_

"What, already?" Tony said, stalling. "Come on, JARVIS, can't we do this another time? I've got all these projects -"

_"The Baby talk translators can wait, sir." _JARVIS said, "_So can the cribs with force fields and the hovering strollers. My project, on the other hand, cannot be postponed indefinitely. May I remind you how imperative it's for you to become familiar with the entire process?"_

"But I've seen births before," Tony said, still unwilling to move from his desk. "I saw a movie just a couple of years ago –what was its name?"

_"Movies don't depict reality, sir. Especially the ones you favor."_

"You don't have to be patronizing," Tony muttered.

"_I have compiled a number of documentaries that show real-life couples dealing with the birth of their first child. What you will see are actual births, not reenactments; they will prepare you for every eventuality -"_

"I thought the doctors took care of those," Tony mumbled.

_"Yes, sir. However, fathers-to-be are no longer the passive spectators of their children's births. Nowadays, mothers-to-be expect their husbands to come into the operation room with them; some even expect the husband to cut the umbilical cord themselves."_

Tony winced. "Potts wouldn't want me to do that."

_"Sir, you cannot make assumptions on the matter. You must be prepared for every -"_

"Every eventuality," Tony replied. "I get it."

_"Shall we begin?" _And JARVIS pointedly killed every light in the workshop, except for the ones leading to the TV room.

Feeling like a little boy under the gaze of a stern teacher, Tony reluctantly rose.

"Fine," he said. "I'll watch. Hey, Dummy," he called out. "Get me some popcorn, will ya? And a beer." Then, to himself, he added, "And a noose to hang myself with."

_"I heard that, sir."_

"Good."

_"Dummy heard it too."_

"Oh, shit. Dummy, just kill the order, ok? No, not 'kill'" he amended quickly. "Just forget what I said."

Resigned, he took a seat and waited for the show to begin.

The documentary started by presenting a series of snapshots of a couple –Mavis and Ed, according to the narrator – from their days as high school sweethearts to their big wedding day.

Tony fidgeted as actual footage of the wedding was shown. Weddings made him nervous.

"Idiot," he muttered under his breath as Ed toasted his bride. "This is boring, JARVIS."

_"I think you should familiarize yourself with this type of ceremony, sir. After all, one day you might want to -"_

"No way in hell," Tony said firmly.

The documentary moved to the present, three years after the wedding. Ed looked into the camera as he announced his child's impending birth. "I'm gonna be a daddy," he said, smiling idiotically.

Tony was appalled by what he saw.

"Whoa! Dude, you've really let yourself go." For Ed had grown a belly and an unflattering moustache.

_"Married men usually do, sir,_" JARVIS said.

"Yet another reason not to marry," Tony muttered. "I don't wanna look like that."

_"You would never look like that, sir,"_ JARVIS said promptly_. "Your vanity would not allow you to let yourself go."_

Tony glanced over his shoulder. "It's called self-respect, JARVIS;" he retorted. "If I were vain, I would -"

_"Sir, the documentary isn't over yet."_

Tony looked back just in time to see a disheveled woman lurk in the background. She was openly glaring at Ed. "Who's that?"

_"That's Mavis, sir."_

"Whoa!" The woman looked nothing like the blushing bride or the engaging professional they'd shown before. "My God! How many kids is she having –a dozen?"

_"Only one, sir." _

"Yikes."

_"Sir, it is entirely natural for a woman to put on weight during a pregnancy."_

"If you say so," Tony muttered doubtfully, looking back at the screen. He frowned. "You don't think Pepper's gonna look like that, do you?"

_"It is possible sir."_

"Oh, boy."

_"May I remind you that she is nurturing the child growing inside her, sir?__"_

"I know; I was just -"

_"Your child, sir."_

"Ok, ok. I get it: I need to be sensitive."

_"However," _JARVIS said after a moment, "_It does seem that Mavis has ingested one pint of ice cream too many, sir." _

Tony smiled.

Mavis and Ed were at the gynecologist now, getting an ultrasound of their baby. Mavis seemed a bit blasé about the whole thing, but Ed was nearly in tears.

"Look at that," he said, pointing at the baby's penis. "That's a biggie, all right."

Mavis rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"What's wrong with her?" Tony asked, mystified.

_"According to the production notes, she wasn't feeling especially kindly towards her husband at the time, sir," _JARVIS explained. _"In fact, it was by this time that she'd started calling her husband a 'dick'. Apparently, Ed had been less than supportive in the previous months. " _

"Well, he's being supportive now."

_"I suspect Ed is mostly thrilled that they're having a boy and not a girl, sir."_

"What a dick," Tony muttered.

Next, the documentary showed Ed talking to the camera while Mavis struggled to get her overnight bag closed. He went on talking even as members of the film crew helped Mavis get into the ambulance.

"He should be the one helping her," Tony said indignantly. "Hey, you," he said, talking to the screen, "Do something, for God's sake! Your lady's about to give birth!"

A loud screech interrupted Tony. One of his robots had started rushing from one corner of the workshop to the other, then back again.

"Hey, You, I wasn't talking to _you_," Tony said sheepishly. "Calm down, ok?"

By the time Tony looked back at the screen, Mavis wasn't suffering in silence anymore; she was frustrated, and Ed had become the object of her unhappiness. She was yelling at him, cursing him for getting her pregnant, and even for making eye-contact with her while they were in high school.

To hear her, Ed was responsible for every little problem they'd had.

Ed merely stood by, still grinning like an idiot and mumbling, 'breathe, honey, breathe'."

Mavis wasn't listening; at one point she delivered a specially charged insult that made Tony wince. "Whoa," he said, "She's got quite a mouth on her." He frowned. "You don't think Pepper's gonna act like that, do you?" He looked over his shoulder. "JARVIS? Do you think Pepper -"

_"The documentary isn't over yet, sir."_

Tony watched as Mavis was wheeled into the operation room.

"Ed isn't helping, is he?" he said. "He's just standing there."

_"To be fair, there's not much he can do, sir."_

"Exactly!" Tony said in triumph. "So, why do I have to watch this?"

JARVIS merely announced, _"Mavis is three-inches dilated right now, sir"_

Mavis was yelling at Ed to get her something for the pain. She was angry, and Tony couldn't blame her. They were shoving a camera into her face every time she had a contraction. And she was clearly in pain; at one point she howled.

"Ugh," Tony said, looking away. "That's not a pretty sight."

_"Sir, you must turn your attention back to the screen."_

"Is this something I _want_ to see?" Tony asked wearily.

_"Yes, sir." _JARVIS paused ominously. "_If you wish to be of any help to Miss Potts, that is."_

"Boy, you're good," Tony muttered. He dutifully looked back at the screen, only to be confronted by a close-up of Mavis parted legs. There was something peeking out of her now; something hairy and rounded, and –

Tony jumped when he realized what it was.

"HOLLY -!"

Curiously, that was exactly what Ed yelled too… right before he fainted.

Tony didn't faint, but he was definitely queasy.

"Shit! JARVIS, turn that thing off!"

_"I suggest you keep looking sir. The baby's head is crowning."_

Tony looked at the carnage. There was blood everywhere –or so it seemed to him. There was blood on poor Mavis, and on the doctors' gloves, and there was blood all over the squirming thing being raised by its legs…

Ironically, Tony had seen something like this before –and in a movie.

"It looks like the chestburster!"

_"It's a human baby, sir;" _JARVIS said, voice heavy with disapproval. _"What you see it's parts of the amniotic sac still covering him."_

Fortunately for Tony, the camera zoomed in on Mavis once again. The poor woman looked like she'd gladly take a month-long nap. But what struck Tony the most was how, after being the object of attention she now lay lonely and forgotten.

"Ed should be there, holding her or something. Come on, man," he said, talking to the screen again. "Wake up! Your lady needs you! Where is he, anyway?"

_"He's still unconscious, sir. He will come to in precisely eleven minutes."_

"You had to give the ending away, didn't you," Tony muttered. He was still looking at Mavis. She looked too tired to move or even keep her eyes open for long, but that changed the moment she saw a nurse approaching with a bundle in her arms. Her eyes lit up with pleasure.

"It's a boy, Mavis," the nurse said, carefully placing him on Mavis' chest.

Mavis smiled as she held her baby, and at that moment, she looked beautiful again.

Tony frowned. "What is she smiling about? Hey, lady, that thing almost ripped off your private parts, or don't you remember?"

_"She doesn't care, sir. She has her baby, now."_

And Mavis didn't care, indeed. She was joyfully holding the little monster to her breast, cooing to it, calling it 'my beautiful, beautiful baby.'

Tony smiled a little. He could easily imagine Pepper doing that. She, who chose to see the best part of him, would also choose to see beauty in a wrinkly baby.

"Ed should have been there," Tony said. "What a wuss."

_"He was unprepared for the event, sir." Unlike you, _he could have added.

"I get it, JARVIS," Tony glared. "You were right, I needed to see this." Did he ever. He had a feeling the only reason he didn't faint was because it wasn't Pepper but a stranger lying there.

To think that Potts would have to go through all this…

"You know, JARVIS, we haven't designed anything for the mother-to-be. There's got to be something we can do."

_"A comfortable chair would come in handy, sir. I heard Miss Potts complaining of a back ache the other day."_

"I got it," Tony said firmly. He was silent for a moment. "There's something else we should be looking into, JARVIS."

_"Sir?"_

"We need an effective contraceptive. I am not putting Pepper through this again. Stark Condoms –more effective than an iron wall! How does that sound? No, forget it; advertising will probably come up with a better catch-phrase; meanwhile -"

_"Sir, abstinence is still the best way to avoid a -"_

"Get real, JARVIS."

* * *

Notes:

'Chestburster' is the creature that burst from John Hurt's chest in the movie Alien.

Mmkfire said it would be great to see Tony pass out when Potts went into labor.

Marie Nomad came up with the cool baby stuff mentioned here.

I've never had any kids, so this is kind of a stretch for me.


	5. Tony's revenge

Tony's revenge

Spoiler: The scene on the roof from Iron Man 2.

* * *

"It wasn't a question," Rhodey retorted, his faceplate shutting down immediately afterwards. War Machine looked up to the sky, ready for departure; "I'm ready," he said for good measure, and then-

Nothing happened.

A second went by, then another… Finally, Rhodey looked down. He tentatively raised one foot and then the other. "I'm ready," he said again, to no avail. The suit stayed put.

His faceplate slid back, revealing a very confused-looking man.

"Well, Colonel?"

Rhodey looked around and saw Tony pointing at him with his left hand, palm extended upwards. This in itself wasn't a bad sign; nor the fact that Tony's glove was glowing green. It was only when he looked into Tony's face that his heart sank: Tony was smiling placidly.

Tony Stark only smiled like this when he was about to pull a nasty trick on someone.

Suddenly, the War Machine suit lit up.

"What the hell?" Rhodey looked down in alarm. The suit was shaking violently now, causing every bolt and pin that held it together to fall off. "Oh, no! No, no, no-" Rhodey desperately grabbed at the falling bolts, but it was a lost cause; the suit was falling apart before his -and Tony's and Pepper's- very eyes. One minute it was holding up nicely, then the next it lay in pieces on the floor.

Tony pretended to share Rhodey's disbelief.

"Huh! Vanko didn't discover my secret device. Can you believe that?" He looked at Rhodey and then did a double take: Colonel Rhodes was wearing green shorts and nothing else.

"Gee, Colonel, ever heard of body suits?"

"Oh, my God," Pepper muttered, discreetly glancing away.

"Tony!" Rhodey had finally found his voice. "What the hell did you do?"

"I'm sorry, pal; I just can't let you take the suit with you."

"But why?"

Tony gave him a look. "After what your army pals did, d'you still have to ask?"

"Come on Tony; we didn't know what Hammer was going to do!"

"Uh, huh."

"It wasn't even Hammer! It was that guy Vanko, who -"

"Yeah, well. All the same, I'd rather you didn't take the suit back to base."

"What are you gonna do? You're not gonna destroy it, are you?"

"Maybe I will. Or maybe I won't." Tony paused as if he were still considering the situation. "It depends."

"It depends on what?"

"It depends on _you,_ actually. Next time you use the suit, you better remember who the boss is. Deal?"

"Well, that depends too," Rhodey retorted. "Are you gonna be on top of your game next time?"

"Absolutely."

"Ok, then."

"Great," Tony said. "You can have the suit… But not tonight." He turned to Pepper. "Let's go, honey; the Colonel suggested we found our own roof, so -"

Rhodey looked up in alarm. "Are you nuts? You can't just leave! I'm half-naked, here!"

Tony glanced over his shoulder. "Oh, yeah," he said vaguely. "We'll get you a cab." He looked back at Pepper. "D'you have a cell phone?"

Pepper instinctively reached into a pocket, then stopped as if struck by a sudden thought. "Wait a minute. Rhodey? Did you know Tony was dying?"

"I -" Rhodey started, then paused. "Well... Not exactly."

Pepper walked up to him, eyes narrowed. "What do you mean, 'not exactly'?"

"Well… I..." He took a step back. "I knew the Palladium was, huh, causing some trouble in his system, but -"

"But you didn't think I should know."

"Hey, I didn't know it was serious! I mean, you know Tony; he always bounces back, no matter what! And besides -"

"Save it, Colonel," she said curtly. She turned to Tony. "I'm sure we'll find him a cab –eventually." Tony took this as a sign to reach for her again, but instead found himself held at arm's length by Pepper. He tried to sneak around her but couldn't manage it, hindered as he was by the suit. Vanko's drones were definitely easier to handle than a slender woman determined to thwart him. "I'm not finished with you, either," she warned.

"Oh, we've only just begun, all right," Tony said pleasantly, "Just say the word and I'll strip, too."

"I mean you've got a lot to explain!"

"Sure. I promise I'll explain everything –after I strip. Better yet," he added huskily, "I'll explain everything after _you _and_ me_ strip. Just choose the roof and I'll fly us there."

He was openly flirting, and Pepper's determination started to waiver.

"Don't change the subject," she said, trying to recover, "You were dying and you didn't tell me!"

"Ok, look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It's just... It's a guy thing," he shrugged. "We don't like to appear vulnerable, right, Rhodey?"

"Don't get me into this," his friend muttered morosely.

Looking at the shivering, green-short clad Cnel. Rhodes, Tony realized that he might not be the right man to appeal for support right now.

"Anyway," he said, looking back at Pepper, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But I learned my lesson. Next time I'm in trouble, I'll tell you all about it." He took a tentative step closer and met no resistance this time. "Like right now, for instance."

"What is it?" she said, looking at him with concern.

"I'm dying, Pepper," he said pitifully. "Only a smooch from you can save me."

"Oh, really," Pepper said, holding back a smirk.

"Yes, really." He took another step closer, his eyes unashamedly zeroing on her mouth."I got a taste early on, and now I'm hooked."

"Hooked?" she said, her hand starting a slow journey from his chest to his jaw.

"Yup. I need it, Pepper. I need it badly. I'm talking withdrawal, here."

"Oh, that's so romantic, Mr. Stark," she said, caressing his face, "Please tell me more."

"I will, but first there's something I wanna find out: who kept that grape we were fighting over?"

"You did."

"No. You did."

"Prove it," she replied, flashing him the tip of her tongue.

"There it is," Tony said breathlessly, and he quickly crushed his mouth on hers.

Rhodey, who'd been listening (and looking) all along, had had enough.

"Oh, you two make me sick!" He turned and stomped to the nearest fire escape.

Tony pulled back with some difficulty.

"Those ladders are rusty, pal!"

"I'll take my chances!"

Pepper was concerned, too. "Rhodey, you'll break your neck!"

"I HOPE SO!"

She was sincerely surprised by Rhodey's attitude. She glanced at Tony.

"Are we really that disgusting?"

"Does it matter?"

She paused for a couple of seconds. "No."

* * *

the end ...


	6. After the battle

After the battle

(Oh, God, another sucky title)

This is another 'missing scene' for IM2. It's funny; IM was so perfect, I didn't feel the need to rearrange the story. I didn't even mind that Tony and Pepper didn't get together!

IM2 on the other hand was really frustrating. I don't care for Avengers or Shield, so their story lines were a big waste IMO. And don't get me started on those lame villains!

Anyway, here's another little scene that I came up with.

It's set after the roof scene in IM2, but it's not a sequel to 'Tony's revenge'.

* * *

Pepper sat in her hotel room, holding a phone to her ear. "I appreciate your help, Natalie," she said. She paused, then, "Oh, Tony's fine." She glanced over her shoulder. Tony had walked by a moment ago, fresh from his shower, and gone directly into the bedroom. "He's tired," she added. "Exhausted, actually -mostly from having to explain why he never mentioned the tiny little fact that he was dying," she added dryly. _Come to think of it, you didn't tell me either, Miss Secret Agent_, Pepper thought resentfully.

The young woman immediately picked up the reference, but Pepper cut into her apology.

"It's ok, Natalie," she said. "Tony told me about you and SHIELD, and the need for secrecy, and -" _And I'm forgiving you only because you're overseeing the clean-up,_ she thought. "And I understand," she said aloud. _But only partially_. "Absolutely," she added. "Everything's fine."

A moment later, Pepper put down the receiver. She would have to deal with Natalie and SHIELD soon, but not tonight. Right now, there were more pressing issues to consider -like the fact that Tony was in her bedroom, waiting. 'I'm too tired,' he'd said sheepishly (and pointedly) when they got to the hotel, but even if they were not going to be intimate, the mere fact that they were going to share a bed made her nervous.

That she was wearing comfy cotton pajamas only added to the pressure. Pepper rose and smoothed them down, and wished, not for the first time, that they'd miraculously turn into the silky things she'd bought in Paris the year before; the ones she never even bothered to unpack.

Ah, well.

She turned off the lights and padded to the bedroom, pausing only briefly to look at the Iron Man suit heaped in a corner. She had mixed feelings about the suit, and tonight they were mostly negative. It had taken five technicians working nonstop for two hours to remove the suit from Tony, and by the time he'd finally stepped out of his suit, he was drenched in sweat, his clothes in tatters.

"I'm yours," he'd said in self-deprecation, then winced in surprise when she pulled him into her arms.

Tony had resisted at first. He didn't like be perceived of as weak or defenseless, and he most certainly did not like to rely on others. "I need a shower," he'd said, but Pepper had refused to let go.

Tony's capitulation, when it finally came, seemed complete. He leant heavily on her and meekly let her lead him into the waiting limo. Once inside, he'd mumbled a few apologies. "I'm sorry," he said awkwardly. "For the party, for the -"

"That's ok," she said quickly, "It was the Palladium poisoning."

"Actually, that was just me, being a jerk," he said ruefully. "Look. Just let me apologize, will ya?"

And she let him. How could she refuse, when he was being so sweet about it? Besides, it wasn't every day that Tony Stark decided to spill his guts –and it showed; he had a difficult time putting his thoughts into words, but he did, and by the end, Pepper realized that Tony's exhaustion came, not from his battle with Vanko's drones, but from keeping a deadly secret.

She kissed him and soothed him with caresses.

"Never again," she'd whispered in his ear. "Don't ever lie to me again."

"Ok," he said. "Promise."

...

Pepper tip-toed into the bedroom. Tony was sitting in bed with eyes closed and hands comfortably clasped on his lap. He was probably naked underneath the covers, and the realization made her heart beat faster. She'd seen glimpses of his body before, back when he still had a drinking problem, for instance, or when he'd fallen prey to some illness. And it wasn't like he was shy about showing off his upper body.

But nothing compared to this.

Pepper leant on the doorway, needing a little time to adjust. That he loved her, she had no doubts; she never had. That he'd finally found the courage to tell her...

She frowned. Actually, he hadn't told her yet.

"Aren't you coming?" he said suddenly. He opened his eyes and glanced in her direction. He smiled; a lazy, seductive smile she'd never seen before.

_Oh, he knows what he's doing_, Pepper thought. One look at that smile and she found herself irresistibly drawn to him -

Just like countless women had before.

'Stop it!' she told herself firmly. She was not about to let the memory of those women –or anything else- come between them right now. She took a couple of confident steps towards the bed, only to stop when she saw him eyeing her from head to toe –no; not from head to toe; from neck to toe.

"Yes, Tony," she said matter-of-factly. "I'm wearing _pajamas_. I packed for what I thought was going to be a _business_ trip, after all."

"Those are nice," he said, still studying her.

She cringed. 'Nice' was the last word she was hoping to hear. On a scale of one to ten, 'nice' wouldn't even rate half-a-point. 'Nice' was the kiss of death of compliments!

Suddenly, the distance to the bed seemed insurmountable.

Noticing her hesitation, Tony took matters into his own hands. He pulled back the bed covers and patted the space next to him.

"Hop in, dear."

She laughed despite herself.

"You're such a gentleman, Mr. Stark."

"I am," he said, "I even fluffed the pillows for you."

"Thanks." She got into bed and lay down next to him, but not so close that their bodies would touch. She pulled the covers up to her neck, and then stared at the ceiling. She was aware of him all along; the warmth of his body, his very breathing… and his eyes, watching her closely.

Eventually, he lay down too. He turned on his side and tugged the sleeve of her pajamas. "Could you move a little bit closer?"

She smiled. "You want to cuddle?"

"I want to hold you, yeah."

She tentatively laid her head on his shoulder. Tony wasn't as shy; he wrapped both arms around her and sighed contentedly.

"There," he said. "This is better."

Gently, she touched his bicep. _'Oh, wow,'_ she thought. She'd admired his body from afar for so long…

It took her a moment to realize he was fondling her, too. He was languidly stroking her arm.

"You've been working out," he muttered.

"I like to stay in shape."

"I like that you stay in this particular shape," he said gallantly. "I think you'd look rockin' hot in a suit."

"What kind of suit?"

"You _know_."

"Oh." Leave it to Tony Stark to picture her, not half-naked in a lacy, gauzy gown from Victoria's Secret, but covered head-to-toe in a metal suit. "No, thanks," she said. "You are _not_ putting me in one of those."

"I'd give it a nice pink finish."

"_Especially_ if it's going to be pink."

"Silver, then. Or blue. Any color you ask." He paused for a couple of seconds, then he cleared his throat. "Uh, Pepper -"

"Yes?"

"There's, hum, something I've gotta tell you," he said solemnly. He even stopped touching her. "It's... uh, a confession, of sorts."

She cautiously raised her head. Her heart sank when she saw how serious he looked. She instinctively looked at the new arc in his chest.

"Are you ok?"

"Oh, yeah, this is working just fine."

"Then what is it?"

"Well... I've never done this before."

"What?"

"This," Tony said awkwardly. "Talking, I mean. I don't _talk_ in bed. Usually, I just -" he made a vague gesture with his hand. "You know."

"I can guess," she said dryly. She knew Tony didn't even like to stay in bed afterwards.

"So, if I say the wrong thing, bear in mind that this is virgin territory for me, so to speak."

She held back a smirk. "Ok."

"You're gonna have to be gentle with me," he added, giving her his best puppy-dog look.

"Ok," Pepper said, openly smiling. Tony Stark's puppy-dog looks only worked on those who didn't know there was a wolf inside.

"You'll have to have a lot of patience, too."

"Don't I always?" She caressed his face. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to."

"But that's the weirdest part. I want to talk. I always talk when you're around."

"I love hearing you talk. It's what made me stay all these years."

"Really?"

"You don't think it was your smile that made me stay, do you?" she said mischievously. "Or your eyes, or the curls on the back of your head, or -"

"I thought you stayed because you'd signed a contract."

"Ah, but why did I sign such a contract?"

"Oooh," Tony said, "I see."

She felt blissfully happy, all of a sudden. She impulsively wrapped her arm around his neck. She wrapped a leg around him too, only to bump into something hard under the covers. She looked up sharply. "Is that a piece of your suit?"

He shook his head. "That's a piece of _me_."

Curious, she slipped her hand under the covers. First, she discovered that yes, he was naked. And then –

Her eyes widened. "Oh, wow, that's _you_. I thought you said you were too tired!"

"I was," he said. "But then you sauntered in, wearing those sexy pajamas -"

"_Sexy_ pajamas? Tony, I'm covered neck to toe. In _cotton_."

"See-through cotton," he pointed out. "Besides, when a man loves a woman, he doesn't care what clothes she's wearing -provided he can get her out of them as fast as possible," He added, rolling over so he could be partially on top. "Let that be a lesson to you, Miss Potts." And he began to unbutton her pajama top.

She smiled. 'When a man loves a woman,' was probably the closest he'd ever get to admitting his feelings for her. It didn't matter, really. A woman in love didn't need to hear the words that often… Provided the man she loved _showed_ her the way he really felt.

And she had a feeling Tony was more than willing to do that.

* * *

The end

Note: RDJ told Jonathan Ross that he wanted to 'put Paltrow in a suit, to show off that rockin' body'.

BTW, I think I have a couple of stories to add to 'Just a little bit of news'.


	7. Just a bit of news, part four

Just a little bit of news

part 4

* * *

_"Miss Potts has just arrived, sir." _

"Oh, good," Tony said. He put a cover on the engine he was working on and rose. He picked a rag on his way to the door, his eyes on the stairs all along.

He smiled when he realized he was doing this.

"You know, it's funny," he said, "Back in the old days I'd sneak a look at her legs when she came down the stairs, then look away and pretend I never noticed them."

_"I noticed, sir."_

"And now that I can openly look, she's away half the time."

_"It's your fault, sir."_

"Well -"

_"If you had kept your relationship strictly professional at the office -"_

"I know, I know -"

_"-you wouldn't have been forced to go to work on alternate days."_

"We're not being forced," Tony replied testily. "We decided it would be in the company's best interest if we were not at the office together at the same time. Together…" he said, a faraway look in his eyes. "Alone…"

_"Engaging in sexual intercourse during office hours was highly unprofessional sir."_

"I know that," Tony said with a glare.

_"And the new schedule has worked to your advantage. By dividing your tasks equally with Miss Potts, you can now devote plenty of time to your Iron Man duties without having to fret over the Company."_

"Yeah, I know," Tony said, but he didn't sound very convinced. He was silent for a moment, then, "There's one thing that pisses me off, though; Pepper's perfectly happy with her new schedule. She doesn't seem to miss me one bit."

_"She is rather busy these days, sir. Not only is she learning her new duties at Stark Industries, she is also coming to terms with her new condition. She is, after all, three-months pregnant."_

Tony grimaced.

"Damn. That word still makes me wanna puke."

_"Mr. Stark!"_

"But in a good way," Tony added hastily.

_"I don't understand you, sir. First you told Cnel. Rhodes said how proud you were that your boys were swimming so well -you were bragging, in fact,"_ JARVIS added, voice heavy with disapproval.

Tony shrugged. "It's a guy thing, JARVIS."

_"And then you told Miss Potts how thrilled you were that she was pregnant."_

"I _am_ thrilled. But the word still makes me wanna puke." He sighed, "You wouldn't understand."

_"And until you can explain it to me, I advice you not to mention any of this to Miss Potts. I doubt she would understand it either."_

"I hear ya. Hey, there she is," Tony added, perking up at the sight of her long legs descending the stairs.

He smiled when he saw the high-heels. Pepper had already started shopping for more comfortable shoes, but she was obviously going to hold on to these for as long as she could.

He opened the door and leant out.

"Hey, Potts," he said. "How was your -" _How was your day_, he was going to ask, just like he always did. He was also going to kiss her, (a little peck on the lips) and then he was going to offer her a drink or something –again, just like he always did), but he never had the chance. One look at her, and he knew something was off. Pepper was looking at him as if… well, as if she was ravenous and he was a juicy lamb chop.

It didn't help that she was looming over him thanks to those crazy-ass heels and the fact that he was barefoot.

She looked menacing.

"Potts? You ok?"

"Tony," she said breathlessly, and then she unceremoniously grabbed him by the front of his sweatshirt and started kissing him. Before he could protest, she tore off the clothes off his body, then pushed him to the couch.

_

* * *

__Assaulted in my own basement_.

That was Tony's first thought after he woke up. He was lying flat on his back, trapped under Pepper' half-naked body.

Bemused, he glanced sideways at her. She'd fallen asleep with her head on his shoulder –her favorite resting position, be it on a bed or a couch, like now.

She looked like an innocent angel.

_Ha. Innocent, my foot,_ Tony thought. He could hardly believe what had just happened. Not that he was complaining. He was wowed, actually. Who would have thought prim Miss Pepper Potts, business partner/personal assistant/love-of-his-life/confidante, would one day treat him like a piece of meat?

He chuckled, and Pepper, extremely sensitive to sound and movement, shifted in his arms, half-awake.

He knew she would simply go back to sleep if he let her…

He only hesitated for a few seconds.

"So, Potts," he said casually. "Bad day at the office?"

She mumbled something unintelligible, then, "Rotten." She raised her head and squinted at him. "Missed you."

He was pleased, but wasn't about to let her off the hook that easily. "Yeah, well, what you did wasn't quite legal, you know."

"Sue me."

"I will," he said with mock seriousness. "Breaking and entering is a serious offense. Not to mention the abuse you subjected me to."

She held back a smirk. "I didn't break in, Mr. Stark; you opened the door for me. And you said I felt good –over and over. And over -"

"Oh, so now you're blaming the victim."

"Uh, huh," she said, openly smiling. "Shame on me."

Tony lazily rubbed her shoulders.

"You did feel good," he said. "There's something to be said for unsafe sex, huh?"

"No pesky latex between us -"

"Just you and me."

Actually, there was something between them, so to speak; a tiny bulge, barely noticeable except to him, especially when she was lying on top like now: Their unborn child.

Tony's smile faltered. He would never admit it out loud, (not to Pepper, anyway), but he still had mixed feelings about becoming a father –hence the 'puke' comment he'd made to JARVIS. What the hell did he know about taking care of a child? It was one thing to be there as he (or she) was being born; it was quite another to raise her (him). That's what JARVIS could not understand; that no matter how many documentaries you saw, you were never really prepared for it.

Fortunately, he wasn't alone in this. He had Pepper.

And she was looking sexy as hell right now.

"I love it when you look like this," he said gleefully, "All flushed and sweaty, your hair all messed up -"

"Oh, no," she moaned, hiding her face into his neck.

"Come on," he said, laughing, "You look great."

"No, I don't. I'm not like you. You look good even when you're rumpled and sweaty."

"Really?" he asked, perking up. "You think I look good?"

She looked up. "Oh, God. You're so vain."

"I'm not vain. Why does everybody keep saying that?"

She smiled indulgently. "Well, to begin with, you dye every hair on your body."

"Not every hair!" Pause. "Just a little on the sides."

"Right."

"Hey, excuse me for not wanting to look old before my time. You should be thanking me."

"Thank you, Mr. Stark. You look great right now, by the way."

"Yeah?"

"Yep. I wish I could have a picture."

"I can ask JARVIS to take one," Tony said humorously.

_"If Miss Potts would only move to her left, sir, I'd be happy to oblige."_

Pepper jumped –or would have, if Tony hadn't quickly wrapped his arms around her.

"Now, calm down -"

"Eeeeew, Tony! JARVIS was watching?"

"Well, you didn't give me a chance to turn him off!" Tony was trying not to laugh out loud. Pepper was desperately pulling her blouse down, but the fabric didn't quite cover her butt. "Relax, will you? It's not like this is our kid walking in on us."

"No, this is like my _father_ walking in on us! Oh, my God-" She hid her face in her hands. "This is so embarrassing -"

_"Miss Potts, there is no reason to be embarrassed; your body is perfectly acceptable. I can vouch for the fact that Mr. Stark has never been more smitten. In fact, the last time he brought a young lady here, his reaction was less than -"_

"MUTE!" Tony called out quickly. He smiled innocently at Pepper. "In my defense, that was months ago."

Placated, Pepper smiled.

"So, you are smitten with me."

"Oh, yes. Very." He touched her cheek. "You're… You're just so…" His mind was coming up with all these great things to say, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to say them. He closed his eyes for a couple of seconds; gave himself a pep-talk -_You're Iron Man, for crying out loud! You can do this_! -and then tried again.

_Wonderful_, his mind said. "You're so wonderful," he mumbled at last. _Beautiful._ "And beautiful," he added, more confidently. _I'm so glad we're together_. "I'm so glad we're together." _I love you_. "I…" He gulped. "I…eh..."

"Go on," she said mischievously, as if she knew exactly what it was that Tony wanted but couldn't say.

She didn't press him; instead, she whispered, "Me, too," in his ear, and started kissing his neck.

Tony was silent for a couple of seconds. His mind had gone suddenly blank, which may account for what he blurted out next.

"Pepper? D'you wanna get married?"

She looked up sharply.

"What did you just say?"

"You heard me."

It was her turn to get flustered.

"Tony, I… Eh…" Suddenly, she narrowed her eyes. "Has JARVIS been talking to you?"

"JARVIS?"

"Yes, JARVIS. He's been dropping all sorts of hints to me." She lowered her voice. "I'm afraid the research he did for us gave him the wrong idea, Tony. The couples in those documentaries got married first and then -"

"Oh, yeah," Tony said, "Those documentaries. Did you see the one with Mavis and Ed?"

"Ah, yes. The dick."

"I promise you I won't get fat like that guy."

"Oh, that's so sweet, Tony." She was going to kiss him, but he stopped her.

"You haven't answered me."

She took a deep breath.

"I'd like to say yes," she said. "But, hum, I don't want to push my luck."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'm happy with the way things are."

"But things are going to change. You're pregnant; you're moving in with me. You _are_, aren't you?"

"I am. Just not yet. Right now I'm enjoying being your girlfriend. And…" she hesitated. "I don't know how to say this, but… I don't want you to change, Tony. I don't want you to be like Ed, or Jimmy, or Sam. They got married and then -" she let the word trail off. "The magic was gone."

"I get it," Tony said slowly. "Sort of." He studied her for a moment. "You keep surprising me, Miss Potts. I mean," and he smiled mischievously. "Aren't you afraid I might go astray or something?"

"Oh, I doubt you'll have the energy to go astray," she said, and she unceremoniously slipped a hand between their bodies and grabbed him.

Tony gasped. "Jesus! Careful, Potts; it's not a toy, you know."

"Oh, but I'm having so much fun with it -"

"Yeah, so am I, but –Oh, God!" he closed his eyes and gave in to her.

* * *

Much later, they were still lying on the couch, talking in whispers.

"So JARVIS thinks we should get married?"

"Uh, huh," Pepper said. "He keeps talking about flower arrangements and bridesmaid dresses." She lowered her voice even further. "It's like having my own gay consultant."

"Really? That bad?"

"Really. I think it's time to give him a new assignment."

"Right. Hey, JARVIS?"

_"Sir?"_

"The baby research is over. No more daytime TV, understood?"

_"But sir… There are some issues we still ought to discuss! You and Miss Potts have not legalized your -"_

"We're not getting married, JARVIS. Not yet, anyway."

_"But I found a documentary on the subject," _JARVIS pleaded, _"It's lively and entertaining, and it has great ratings -"_

"Oh, really."

_"It's called 'Bradzillas', sir."_

* * *

TBC


	8. The Taming of Tony Stark

The taming of Tony Stark

Spoiler: IM2

Tony Stark had never felt as wary and powerless.

* * *

Tony Stark, (aka Iron Man, and one of the most powerful men in the entire world), cautiously approached the creature's lair.

_Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please –_

He peeked inside and found that yes, the creature was still asleep. It lay motionless on its back, in the same position it had held for the last hour or so, blissfully unaware of its surroundings or the fact that it was being watched.

This should have reassured him but it didn't; Tony knew the creature's ways too well by now. He knew the minute he let his guard down, it would wake up and announce its presence in the loudest way possible.

Tony sighed. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt as wary as this, or as powerless.

But part of him started to rebel.

_Come on; you can manage. It's just a baby, for God's sake._

His baby.

He could hardly believe it at times. Not that the baby was his –hell no; one look at the creature and you could tell it was a Stark all right; its eyebrows and bright brown eyes mirrored Tony's, and one only had to look at Howard Stark's baby pictures to see the close resemblance. What Tony Stark had looked like as a baby would remain a mystery; try as she might, Pepper couldn't find a single picture of him -which prompted Tony to quip, "I was never a baby, Pepper; I came into this world as a fully-grown, wise-beyond-my-years seven-year-old."

(The truth? He had no idea why there were no baby pictures of him, and didn't particularly care. His childhood memories were blurry at best, and he had a feeling he was better off leaving them at that. Besides, life had begun only after he was sent to MIT).

Anyway…

He _knew _this baby was his; what he couldn't quite believe was that a son of his could be so… so perfect. So healthy. Not with the kind of life he'd led. Sure, Pepper was a healthy nut but she was only half of the equation. What if his not-too-distant past caught up with him through his son? What if all the drugs and all the booze, (not to mention the youthful bouts with VD) had irremediably rotted his DNA to the core?

As it turned out, his DNA seemed to be all right. The baby was healthy, according to the doctors; Pepper herself was content, and Tony had to admit the creature looked fine. Sure, its lungs and vocal cords did seem to be overdeveloped in Tony's own humble opinion, but did that really matter?

Actually, it did, especially at midnight, when an exhausted Pepper had to get up to tend to it; or at mid-morning, when she tried to give it a bath; or at mid-day, or at mid-afternoon…

The boy was a twenty-four hour challenge, made worse by Pepper's adamant refusal to get any help. She wanted to take care of the baby herself, she said -and she did, courageously, for about nine whole days.

On the tenth day, she finally remembered there was someone else in the house.

Tony had been working on his latest armor that day. He was just about to start tests when Pepper spoke into the intercom.

_"TONY?" _She had to yell in order to be heard over the baby's wailings. _"You there?"_

"Yeah."

_"Are you busy?"_

"Kinda. Why?"

_"I could really use a hand here!"_

"Want me to send Dummy upstairs?"

_"No, not Dummy! You, Tony; I need you!" _

Tony glanced at 'You' his other robot, then decided that's probably not what Pepper meant.

After a second's hesitation, he called out, "I'm coming, dear!"

__

_

* * *

_

_'Yikes_,' he thought when he saw the naked thing being held in the water. It sure looked different without its cute clothes on. It behaved differently, too; it squirmed and screeched, and it tried to escape its mother's hold.

It didn't like the water, that's for sure.

"WEEEEERRRR!"

"What can I do?" Tony said, hoping Pepper would simply ask him to repair something or take pictures or whatever it was that fathers were supposed to do.

But Pepper had other ideas.

"Could you please hold him while I…?" and she raised a soapy sponge.

"Sure," he'd said. (Well, what else was he supposed to say? 'Ew, I can't touch that thing?' Or, 'Ew, it looks like a red seal?' Hell no). "Sure," he said, and bravely reached for the creature and held it while Pepper washed it.

And that's how Tony Stark was initiated into the intricate world of baby care.

It was while getting splashed around that Tony came to a couple of realizations: First, that after ten days, he still didn't see this creature as a human being. And second, that if taking care of a baby was hard work, it must be doubly so for anyone used to having things under control all the time.

Things could not be easy for Pepper.

Tony watched as she lifted the squirmy thing out of the water and placed it on a thick towel.

"Hey." He said. He hadn't planned what he was going to say, but when Pepper looked up, he didn't hesitate. "I'm gonna look after the baby today."

She looked incredulously at him.

"What?"

"You heard me. Go have lunch with a friend. Or take a nap."

"A nap would be good," she said wistfully, then almost immediately shook her head. "No, that's ok. I'll take care of him."

"Pepper, will you do as I say for once? I'll take care of the baby," he said firmly. A pause. "After you tell me what I'm supposed to do," he added humbly.

_"You would know what to do if you had paid attention to my presentation,_" JARVIS said quickly.

"You were dying for a chance to say that, weren't you," Tony said with a glare. He looked back at Pepper. "So, do we have a deal?"

Pepper didn't immediately reply; first she dried the creature and put some baby powder on it (it loved the pampering, that's for sure; it smiled and cooed, and was surprisingly cooperative as Pepper put some clothes on it).

Pepper looked up at last.

"Do you really want to do this?"

'Can you really do this', was what she was really asking, but Tony didn't mind.

"Yeah," he said good-naturedly. "I want to." Pause. "What, you don't trust me with it?"

She obviously didn't, but didn't come out and say so. Instead, she stalled; she picked the baby and held it in her arms.

"Well?" he pressed.

"I trust you," she said reluctantly, "But I, hum..."

Tony narrowed his eyes.

"Pepper Potts, I've been handling palladium and other lethal substances for years," he said testily. "And I've never had a single accident." (Apart from a few abrasions and cuts, that is, but he was hoping she wouldn't remember those).

Pepper wasn't impressed. "Is that supposed to be reassuring?"

"Hell, yeah. It means I'm tough but I can be gentle too -got to be, in my line of work. it means I can handle a baby." He looked around. "I'm gonna need a few things," he said, taking charge right away. "First, I'll take the crib downstairs, and then -"

Pepper was appalled. "You're not taking him to the basement!"

"Why not? That's where the best toys are," and he smiled winningly.

The smile didn't work on Pepper. Not immediately, that is.

She bit her bottom lip in indecision.

"You're not going to work on the reactor while he's downstairs, are you?"

"Pepper, give me some credit. I'm not gonna work, period. I'm gonna read, or something."

"And you're not going to play any music."

"Eh… Well, not if you don't want me to." But he didn't like working in silence, so he added, "Maybe JARVIS can sing us something fitting for the occasion."

_"I don't know any lullabies, Mr. Stark."_

"Then learn one!" Tony barked. More calmly, he looked at Pepper again. "I won't play any music. Anything else?"

"You'll call me if something happens, right?" she pleaded. "Even if you think I'm asleep -"

"Right; I will. Relax, will you?" He put an arm around her shoulders and kissed her on the cheek. "It'll be safe with me."

"He's not an 'it', Tony;" she said testily.

"I know that," he said. Then he gave her a look. "Maybe if he had a name, I'd find it easier to think of him as a 'he'."

"Yes, well, I already told you I want to call him Anthony."

"Tony Stark, Jr.? Aw, Pepper, he already has enough against him, being a Stark; if we call him Jr…"

"But I like the name," she cut in. "And before you say it, I am _not_ calling him Tony _Potts_, Tony."

"I wasn't even -" he started, then frowned. "What's wrong with your name?"

"Nothing, except for the 'potty' jokes I heard when I was a kid."

"Oh."

"I am not putting Tony Jr. through that," she said with feeling. "I mean it, Tony."

"Ok, ok; we'll think of something, then." He kissed her again, then pulled back. "In the meantime…" And he started wheeling the crib away.

Pepper looked on helplessly, then suddenly sprang into action.

"Wait," she said. "You're going to need diapers, and baby oil, and -"

"I'll come back for those." He said. He was walking away, knowing all along that she was not finished. '3… 2… 1…' he thought.

"Tony?" she said, right on cue, "If you have to go on a mission -"

"I'm not going on any missions," he said over his shoulder. "Rhodey's gonna handle those for a couple of months. Didn't I tell you?"

Pepper followed him into the hallway.

"If he gets hungry -"

"-there is freshly-pumped milk in the fridge, I know."

"And please, please, don't even think about building him a suit!"

Tony stopped at this.

"He's just a baby, Pepper," he said, miffed by the suggestion. "I've gotta wait till he's at least five." He smiled to show her he was only kidding. "Ok?"

"Ok," she said, but she didn't sound very convinced.

He pushed the crib into the elevator.

"I'll come back for my final instructions," he said good-naturedly. He smiled. "Relax, will you?"

"Ok." She said, smiling faintly. "I love you, Tony."

He faltered. "Yeah," he said awkwardly. He still couldn't quite say those words. "Me, too, Potts. "And hey, don't worry; I can take care of a little baby."

But could he really?

He peered into the crib again. The creature was still asleep. Maybe it knew mommy was away and sleep was its only option.

Tony knew it was too much to hope for, but maybe –just maybe- it would remain like this for the rest of the day. If it did, then he'd have time to read the reports piling on his desk.

He glanced over his shoulder. Maybe he could go and get them right now?

He took a couple of steps in the desk's direction -

"Waaaaaaah!"

"Damn it! I knew it!" He went back to the crib. "Oh, you miserable -"

_"Mr. Stark!"_

"–I mean, you, wonderful creature. Calm down, will ya? You don't want your mommy to wake up."

_"Miss Potts can't hear him, Mr. Stark. The basement is soundproof."_

"I know that. JARVIS." Glare. "I'm just trying to make some conversation here."

_"Sir, a ten-day old baby is not yet capable of intelligible speech. To expect him to hold a conversation at this point is -" _

"I _know_," Tony replied, his temper rising. To himself, he muttered, "And if you keep using that condescending tone with me, I'll gonna pull the plug one of these days."

_"Sir? I didn't quite understand what you said."_

Tony didn't reply; he was looking at the baby. It was crying at the top of its lungs now, and raising its arms in a pitiful attempt to get his attention.

"Hey," Tony said, "You want me to pick you up? Ok. Uh -" he hesitated. "Let's see…" He carefully picked the baby, and was surprised at how wiggly it was. "Easy, kid. What do you think I am, a juggler? Damn, if Palladium shook like this, I would have bought the farm years ago!"

_"Sir, comparing your son to Palladium is highly inappropriate."_

"Oh, it's a joke, for crying out loud -"

_"You are not holding your baby in a secure manner, sir; you ought to cradle his head with your right hand, while you hold his body with -"_

"I'm trying, damn it!"

_"You mustn't use profane words in the child's vicinity, sir."_

"Aw, come on, he's just a baby!"

_"Exactly!"_

Meanwhile, the baby was annoyed and very vocal about it.

"Waaaaah!"

"Oh, you miss your mommy, don't you."

"Waaaaah!"

"Yeah, I know you like her better, but you're stuck with me today, pal."

"WAAAAAH!"

"Hey, it's your fault, you know. Waking her in the middle of the night… hungry at all times… messing all those diapers… Diapers!" He froze. "Oh, shit -"

_"Mr. Stark -"_

"Oh, shut up." Tony tentatively patted the baby's bottom, then quickly pulled his hand back. "Shit is right," he said wearily.

_"Mr. Stark!"_

"Ok, ok, I won't say the word again." He gingerly placed the baby back in the crib and examined it from several angles before he valiantly plugged into action. "Here we go. I know how to do this… JARVIS insisted that I practice on a realistic baby doll, so…"

_"I knew it would be useful for you to learn."_

"You don't have to sound so smug about it, JARVIS. Ok, kid; we'll remove this… thing. Oh, will you stop moving? Here we go... Ugh!" Tony held his breath while he handled the dirty diaper. "Jesus. It's worse than I thought!" He frantically looked around, then dropped the diaper into the nearest trash can. "That's going into the hazardous waste disposal unit," he mumbled. Aloud, he said, "Hey, Dummy, get me the baby oil, will ya? And the –oh, thanks," he added when the robot handed him the cotton balls too. "I see JARVIS made you practice too. Go get me a diaper while you're at it, will ya?"

Swab, swab.

"Is that better?" he asked the baby.

"Waaaaah!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know; your mommy's better at this than me. Well, this ain't no picnic for me, either, kid. In fact, the only reason I'm doing this is because at one time in my life, people had to clean up _my_ shit -and I was not a baby anymore. No, not your mom!" he added indignantly, as if baby Stark had voiced a question. "Gee, give me some credit. There were nurses, or something. I was detoxing, and -"

_"Sir, the child doesn't need to know this."_

"He's only ten days old, JARVIS. He can't understand a word I say."

_"But I can. And I don't need to know." _

"Sorry, JARVIS; I need to talk while I work –you know that. Anyway, where was I? Ah, yeah; I was detoxing. I spent months in that clinic –a great little place in Switzerland -"

He chatted while he put on the diaper –or tried to.

Finally, he straightened up.

"There you go," he said. He stepped back to better appreciate the result. "See that, JARVIS? I told you I could change a diaper."

_"Congratulations, Mr. Stark. You only ruined three in the process." _

Tony didn't notice the sarcasm; he was busy noticing the air wafting from the trash can.

"Yuk," he muttered, "I'm not gonna be able to eat for the rest of the day. Oh, that's ok," he said to the baby, "I need to lose weight anyway." He did a double take. "Hey. You're not crying anymore."

In fact, the baby was looking attentively at Tony, as if he'd only noticed him now.

Tony playfully touched the baby's fingers.

"You know, I used to fall asleep holding you and your mom in my arms. I liked that. I liked feeling that I was protecting the two of you." He paused. "To tell you the truth, part of me wanted you to stay in your mommy's tummy forever; you know, so you'd be safe.

"I told your mom but she wasn't too crazy about the idea," he said sheepishly. "In fact, she called me a word I hope never to hear from her again. Oh, she apologized afterwards; she was teary-eyed, in fact.

"And it's not like she doesn't want you safe," he added (he didn't want the baby to get the wrong idea). "It's just… she wants you to enjoy life, too. She's an optimist, you see."

The baby raised his arms again.

"Hey, you wanna take a look around? Ok." He picked the baby and held him more easily this time.

The boy laid his head on Tony's shoulder and started sucking his thumb.

Tony approached the window.

"See that?" he said. "That's the sea. You can't see it from here, but there's a garden and a pool out there. What, this? This is your home –not a bad place, huh? And just wait till you see your toys. Hey, I've got toys too," he added smugly. "Only mine can fly."

He stared at the vast ocean outside for a long while.

"I won't send you away to boarding school," he said suddenly, his voice filled with emotion. "And I won't keep you at a distance. You'll never have to wonder whether I love you or not, 'cause I'll show you, every day. And I'm gonna tell you too. In fact, you'll probably grow sick of me and ask me to lay off the mushy stuff. But that's all right."

He glanced sideways at baby Stark. He was asleep.

"Whoa. Did you see that JARVIS?" he hissed. "He's asleep! It seems my voice has a relaxing effect on him. JARVIS. JARVIS?"

_"Uh? Oh, Sorry, Mr. Stark. It seems your voice has a soporific effect on me too."_

"That never happened before!"

_"I suspect it isn't your voice but the words, sir. I sincerely hope you don't intend to speak this way too often. It's undignified."_

"I wasn't talking to you," Tony retorted. "I was talking to Tony, Jr."

* * *

The End

Notes:

I'm not done with 'Just a little bit of news' yet; I just ran out of ideas.

When my younger brother was a baby, he used to cry out something that sounded like ENDEEARRRRRRRR, (especially when he was angry). I helped take care of him by the way, which included washing his cloth diapers. Yuk!


	9. Lady Bandit

Lady Bandit

* * *

Tony Stark stepped out on the balcony and leant on the rail.

"Not bad," he said critically. For once, the pictures in the travel brochure hadn't overstated the truth; the view was 'breath-taking' indeed. And the honeymoon suite wasn't shabby either. "What you and bride deserve," the unctuous hotel manager had said, and Tony readily agreed. Not that he had a bride -he and Pepper were keeping things simple- but that was what made this trip all the sweeter, in his own humble opinion: He was reaping the rewards of matrimony while avoiding the trappings of ceremony.

Now, if Pepper would only hurry from that conference... He stole a glance at his watch, and noted that only five minutes had passed since the last time he checked. Where was she, anyway?

So preoccupied was he, he didn't realize he wasn't alone in the room till he was violently seized from behind.

"What the...?" Tony instinctively turned to meet his assailant, but stopped when he felt the cold nuzzle of a gun on his temple.

"No te muevas!"

Tony winced. It was a woman's voice; cold and authoritarian; 'don't move', she said, and he instantly obeyed.

"Who are you?"

"Cállate!" She pressed the gun into his flesh, the message unmistakable.

"Ok," Tony said. "Not saying anything. Not one word."

The woman started patting his pockets, even his shirt pockets, and after a moment it seemed to Tony that she was taking longer than was necessary, considering they were obviously empty.

"Look, lady; if you want money -"

"No quiero tu dinero!"

"You don't?" he said slowly. He looked down at the hand roaming his body. "Then why are you still pawing me? You don't think I've got a gun on me, right? Unless it's flab you're looking for," he added, trying out for humor, "In which case, you're wasting your time. They don't call me Iron Man for nothing."

His attempt at levity fell flat. She brusquely pulled him into the room until they were standing right next to the bed.

"Quítate la ropa!"

"Wha...? My clothes? You want to steal my clothes?"

"No quiero tu ropa!" she retorced, "Te quiero a ti!" And she roughly patted him some more.

Tony frowned as he translated, "You don't want my clothes… You want me. Me." He paused for a couple of seconds, then, "Oh, boy. You want to kidnap me. Riiight." He snorted. "You wanna take me from the biggest hotel in town, in the middle of the day. Lady, you've got to be kidding me."

"No estoy bromeando!" she hissed, and this time she smacked him on the side of the head with the gun.

"Hey!" he protested. It didn't really hurt, but he objected on principle.

"Desnúdate!" she demanded. "Desnúdate ya!"

"Desnúdate," Tony repeated, then, in sudden understanding, "Oh, you want me to strip. Wait, what? You want me to _strip_? What the hell for?"

"Oh, tú sabes muy bien..." she said, and she pointedly grabbed his ass.

Tony jumped.

"Now, wait a minute," he protested. He instinctively tried to turn, only to have his head smacked again.

"No me vuelvas!"

"Ok, ok, I won't turn around! Ok, look;" he said, in a conciliatory manner, "You don't wanna do this, Lady; I can give you enough money so you hire yourself an escort -how 'bout that?"

But the woman wasn't listening. With her intentions now in the open, she firmly wedged her leg between his, and then started unbuttoning his shirt.

"Lady, you shouldn't – huh- " She shouldn't, but she was, anyway; she was pressing her breasts against his back, and she was whispering sweet things in his ear.

"Oh, mi hombre de hierro," she said as she fondled him. "Qué rico se siente -"

"It does feel good," Tony agreed. He'd been trying to resist but what the hell; the woman knew what she was doing. Besides, if she could make him feel this good with a single hand, who knew what she could do with two?

He just had to find out.

With that thought in mind, he leant into the woman's embrace.

"You're really tall, aren't ya?" he muttered. "And athletic. Just my type." She was just like Pepper, in fact. _Pepper!_ He instantly pulled away as if she'd burned him. "Uh, I can't do this, Lady. I've got a girlfriend, and -"

The woman wasn't listening; or if she was, she didn't take his protests seriously. She simply grabbed him back and unceremoniously licked the back of his neck.

And if there was one thing that turned Tony Stark head over heels -yep, that was it.

"Oh, God," he gasped.

She seemed quite happy, too.

"Mmmmh, qué rico sabes," she moaned.

"Really? I taste good? I mean," he added, clearing his throat to erase the eagerness from his voice. "You've got to stop doing that!"

"Voy a hacer lo que yo quiera," she retorted. She was going to do whatever she wanted, and to prove it, she pressed her mouth to his ear and whispered, "Te voy a -"

Tony shivered when he heard what she was planning to do to him.

"Now, look," he said with some difficulty. "That's, huh, very generous of you, but -"

"Y después, te voy a -"

"G'ya!" Tony gasped when he heard what she was going to do next. "Ok_, that_ sounds awesome. But..."

"Pero nada," she replied. "Esta noche serás mío, Antonio."

"Look, I can't -" he started, then he paused. "Antonio?" he repeated incredulously. "Did you call me _Antonio_?"

"Tony," she amended. "Mi Tony. Todo mío."

"Uh, that's not quite right, Lady, I belong to someone else. In fact, she's coming later today. Pepper's gonna freak if she finds you here."

"Ja! La flaca esa?" the woman said contemptuously.

"She's not skinny!" Tony said indignantly. "Now, you've crossed a line, here! Sorry, Lady, but you'll have to find yourself someone else." And with no warning, he grabbed the woman's wrist and gently twisted it.

An empty lipstick tube rolled on the carpet.

Tony turned and smiled at the woman gaping at him. She was tall and athletic and quite beautiful. The black hair didn't quite suit her but the tight black clothes did, and he took a moment to ogle her.

Finally, he looked up.

"Sorry, Potts," he said

Pepper's mouth moved but she couldn't quite articulate a sound. Finally, "Wha -why?"

"I can't do it," he said sheepishly, and he reached out and tugged at the black wig till it fell.

Pepper looked at it as if it were a dying pet, then she looked up.

"You… You weren't supposed to do that! You were supposed to let the lady bandit have her way with you!"

Tony smiled. "I'm sorry, Lady Bandit."

"But why?"

"I don't know," he said with a frown. "It felt wrong, somehow."

"Wrong? It's not like you're cheating -"

"But it is," he said, still frowning. "Kinda. Can't really explain," he shrugged.

She stared at him for a moment. "I guess I should feel flattered," she said reluctantly. Despondently, she sat on the bed.

"Hey," he said. "You all right?"

She shrugged. "I just thought it would turn you on -"

"It did turn me on," Tony said eagerly. "Jesus, you were so sexy and so... so... I mean, look at you." He waved a hand at her. She did look sexy, with her clothes clinging to every curve. He sat beside her. "You were great, Potts. So menacing. And those things you said... You've got quite a mouth," he said admiringly. "And a tongue," he added huskily. "Speaking of which," and he leant closer to her.

To his surprise, she leant back.

"You ruined my fantasy," she pointed out.

"So? We can still do all those things..." And he leant until his lips brushed her ear. "I'm all yours, mi _bandida_. Do whatever you want with your Antonio..."

Pepper didn't move.

"Aw, come on," Tony muttered. Gently, he kissed her ear. "We -" kiss. "Can -" kiss. "Still -" kiss. Kiss. "Do -" kiss. "It." It took him a moment to realize she wasn't responding. Frowning, he pulled back to look at her.

She was blushing.

"Pepper? You still want to, right?"

"I... I'd like to," she said with some difficulty. "But I... I'm..." The blush deepened.

"What? Hey," he said, and he patted her leg. "Go on. Tell me. Dime," he added with a mischievous smile.

She smiled reluctantly. Finally, she sighed. "Tony, I'm a bit of a prude when it comes to sex. Ok?"

"Ok," he said slowly -and a bit mystified, too. He would have never called Pepper a prude...

But she seemed to think she was.

"There are things I'd like to do that I can't quite bring myself to do," she said. "So, I thought maybe if I... "

"Oh." Tony was silent for a moment. "Well... Would it help if I closed my eyes? You could still talk to me in Spanish." He smiled, hoping she'd take the initiative, but she didn't. "Ok," he said. "All right. I... Uh..." He felt awkward, all of a sudden. "I guess you're gonna take off that suit now." Actually, he was hoping she wouldn't, but he wanted it to be her decision.

"I guess," she said.

"Ok. Ok," he added, more to himself than to her. "Well, I'm gonna..." he hesitated. _I'm gonna take a cold shower_, he thought dejectedly. "I'm gonna go to the balcony now, ok?" he said.

* * *

Tony leant over the rail. He was wondering where to go to dinner that night, when suddenly, someone grabbed him and dragged him into the room. He instinctively turned to meet his assailant but stopped when something cold and hard was pressed on the back of his head: the nuzzle of a gun.

A woman's voice hissed.

"Ne bouge pas!"

"Who the hell are you?" he demanded angrily.

"Tais toi!"

"Ok," Tony said. "Not a word." No use arguing. Especially when a talented hand started patting him all over. "If you're looking for flab, you're wasting your time, lady," he said smugly. "There's a reason they call me Iron Man, you know."

"Oh, oui," she whispered eagerly; "Mon _homme de fer_!"

Tony smiled. He was hoping things would work out well this time. And if they didn't, there were still a couple of languages more they could try…

* * *

The End

I'd like to tell you what Pepper offered to do to Tony, but I'm a prude when it comes to sex.


	10. Two of a Kind

Two of a Kind

This story takes place a few months before IM

* * *

_"Good evening, Col. Rhodes."_

"Yeah, yeah," Rhodey muttered, irritated by JARVIS' chirpy greeting. He'd sneaked into Tony Stark's house -well, sneaking wasn't the right word; not after having to enter a personal code in a half-dozen posts strategically placed along a driveway. Still, he'd entered the property without having to ask first, so...

A yawn cut that train of thought. He was tired; that's why he was there. He couldn't face the prospect of driving home (or paying for a hotel room, for that matter), and besides, Tony had plenty of room. And he had plenty of snacks too, which is why Rhodey entered through the kitchen area.

A moment later, armed with a box of cereal and a container of milk, he went looking for Tony.

It wasn't until he was nearing the living room that Rhodes realized he'd probably come at the wrong time: there was music playing –not the harsh rock & roll that Tony usually favored, but a sultry tune, the kind Rhodey called, 'make-out music'- and above all, a woman's moans.

Rhodey would have bolted, but Tony Stark spoke at that precise moment, and what he said was just too surprising to ignore.

"Well, Potts?" he said, "Ready for another round?"

Rhodes first thought was that Tony had hired a girl for a little role-playing; (he'd done it before, though this was probably the first time he'd hired a Pepper look-a-like. Once he even got a Tina Turner look-a-like to sing at Rhodes' birthday –no, wait; that was no look-a-like, that _was_ Tina Turner!). The point is, Rhodey didn't think for a second that Pepper Potts –the real one- was in there.

And then -

"Oh, please, Tony... No more..."

Rhodey paused. Ok, that sounded just like Pepper, but… no. No way. Not Pepper Potts; she was a professional; she had ethics; she was way too smart to fall for Tony. Right? RIGHT?

"Aw, come on," Tony said then; "Let's do it just once more."

"That's what you said last time! You said we'd do it just once, and then we'd work on that new contract!"

Rhodey groaned. It _was_ Pepper, all right; the smartest girl he knew had fallen for Tony Stark… And it looked like she was regretting it already.

Worse; Tony seemed unmoved by her pleading.

"Forget the contract. This is more fun. You said you liked it, remember?"

"I liked it the first time!" she whined, "But we've been at it for hours -"

'Jesus,' Rhodey thought, his discomfort growing by the second. He didn't want to be there -whatever those two did was none of his business, after all- but Tony was bullying Pepper, and that was just not cool. He was determined to stay just long enough to make sure Pepper was ok.

"Please, Tony;" Pepper said, "My legs are sore; my back hurts; and my neck -"

"Hey, I thought you had more stamina!"

"- and I'm all sweaty and -"

"Hey, I'm sweaty, too. It's cool. We're having fun!"

Pepper sighed.

"Tony, listen to me; I'd do anything to please you, but -"

"Oh, good, 'cause we haven't mastered that last position yet -"

"Oh, God, not again -"

'_What a douche bag!_' Rhodey thought angrily.

"- your leg should end on my shoulder, but it only reached about here. See? Let's try that one again. Chop, chop, Potts!"

"Tony... I'm begging you -"

"Tell you what," Tony said pertly; "I'll do everything; you just come along for the ride."

'Ok, that's it,' Rhodes thought indignantly; he'd heard enough.

Dreading the fact that he was about to cause Pepper some embarrassment, he barged in –

-and stopped in his tracks.

First of all, Tony and Pepper were fully dressed -elegantly dressed, in fact- and Pepper wasn't cowering like he'd imagined; she was sitting on the couch, quite primly, while Tony was standing next to her, offering her his hand.

Nearby, Dummy the robot was standing behind a DJ turntable, the source of the music.

"Hey, Rhodey," Tony said casually, "What's up?"

"T-Tony? Pepper -"

"Hi, Rhodey," Pepper said wanly.

"What the hell is going on here?"

"What do you mean what the hell is going on, we're dancing!"

"Dancing?"

"_He's_ dancing," Pepper said tiredly; "I'm just in for the ride."

Rhodey stared at them.

"Wait a minute," he said slowly; "This has nothing to do with the Billionaire's New Year's Eve Dancing Marathon, does it?"

Pepper's eyes opened wide. "You knew about the marathon?"

"Sure," Rhodey said matter-of-factly. "It's held every five years and only America's top billionaires get to participate."

Pepper glared at Tony. "You said nobody knew about this bash."

"You didn't know, did you?" Tony replied. "Look, Rhodey knows because he was my guest of honor, five years ago."

"Guest of honor; yeah, right," Rhodey said skeptically; "You just needed a designated driver."

"That, too."

Rhodey eyed Pepper with interest. "So, you're Tony's partner this year."

"If she shapes up," Tony said snidely.

"I'm doing my best!" Pepper said defensively.

"Yeah, well, you still haven't mastered the tango. And you're still too stiff when we do the Salsa."

"Oh, God," Pepper groaned, "I wish you weren't so competitive! It takes all the fun out of dancing!"

"Well, he's not in it for the fun, you know," Rhodey said.

"I know," Pepper sighed, "He's in it to support his designated charity."

Rhodey snorted. "For charity -that's a good one. No, Pepper; he's in it for revenge."

"Revenge?"

"He ended up last, five years ago."

It took Pepper a moment to get her jaw to close again.

"L-Last place?" she said at last; "_Tony?_"

"I wasn't at the top of my game," Tony muttered.

"He _sucked_," Rhodey said with relish. "Even Bruce Wayne did better than him. By the end of the night, Donald Trump and his daughter were openly mocking him."

"Moving on," Tony glared, but Pepper was still looking at Rhodey.

"What do you mean, they were mocking him?"

"Look; I was hungover;" Tony said defensively; "I was recovering from a bout with bulimia, and the Methadone wasn't very -"

Pepper cut in, "You were in bad shape," she said, "I get it."

"And my dancing partner didn't help, either," Tony glared. "In fact, I fired her not long after." And he gave Pepper a pointed look.

"Fire me," Pepper replied. "Now. Please."

Tony stared at her as if he were actually considering it.

"Nah, that won't be necessary," he said magnanimously; "I know you're gonna do fine. You just need a little encouragement."

"He means he's gonna bribe you," Rhodes said.

Tony studied Pepper. "Tell you what; if we win, I'll give you a diamond bracelet."

Pepper rolled her eyes.

"An all-expense trip to Barbados?"

"We were there last month."

"Oh yeah," Tony said; "The convention..." He was silent for a moment. "Ok; _you_ tell me what you want, then."

"I want not to be in a dancing marathon!" she retorted; "Just hire someone from the Dancing with the Stars crew and you'll be fine!"

"It wouldn't be the same, Pepper! I need someone I can trust." He looked hopefully at her, "It's gotta be you."

Unmoved, Pepper simply stared back.

Rhodey snorted. He liked it when people denied Tony Stark –which didn't happen often enough, let's face it; Tony was an expert manipulator. Right now, for instance, he was giving Pepper a martyred look. It didn't seem to be working, so he was probably going to use some variation of the 'poor little rich boy' prattle that worked so well on occasions like these. Or maybe he'd use the 'dignity under fire' approach…

"Fine," Tony said despondently. "Don't help." Pause. "All I wanted was to show them how well I'm doing now that I'm sober."

"_Mostly_ sober," Rhodey muttered.

Tony glared, but only briefly; he needed to keep his sad-puppy-dog look for Pepper.

"I'm gonna be the laughingstock of the marathon again, but that doesn't mean anything to you, right? It's not like you've been long with me. It's only been what, two years, three months and six days?"

She gaped.

"You know exactly how long I've been your Personal Assistant?"

"That's the longest a PA has lasted in his employ," Rhodey noted snidely.

Pepper frowned. "You're counting the days? Why?"

"That's the same number of days I've been sober," Tony said solemnly.

"Mostly sober," Rhodey amended.

"Whatever," Tony glared. Then, back to Pepper, "You're one of a kind, Pepper Potts."

"She's a masochist," Rhodey mumbled.

"You're a friend among friends," Tony added. "A lady. I don't know what I'd do without you -"

Rhodey rolled his eyes; Tony was really piling it today. Surely, Pepper would see right through it. He threw a glance in her direction, and... his heart sank. There was a new look in Pepper's eyes right now; one that said, 'I believe every word you're saying, Tony Stark; I'll do anything and everything for you -just this once, mind you!'

"I'll do it," she said then. "Just this once, ok?"

Tony studied her for a moment.

"You just want a chance to defeat Trump's daughter at something, don't you?"

"Oh, yeah," Pepper said.

"Hey, that's fine with me. Let's dance." He took her hand and hoisted her to her feet.

Rhodey watched in disbelief for a couple of seconds, then, disgusted by this turn of events, he turned to go.

"Hey, Rhodes," Tony said, "You're not leaving, are you?"

"Yes, I am, Tony; I'm gonna find me a room and sleep the next ten hours."

"Not now; we need your help. Dummy's been botching the music. Take over, will ya?"

"No way; I haven't slept a wink in thirty-six hours, and right now, I just want to -"

"Oh, that's ok," Tony said. "You can sleep between songs."

"What? I can't do that; are you crazy?"

"We need you, Rhodey. It's not just my reputation that's on the line, you know. It's Pepper's, as well."

"Oh, no, that's not gonna work on me -"

But then Pepper looked up and said, "Please, Rhodey," and she smiled –a sweet, appealing smile.

Rhodey looked at her and then at Tony, then back at Pepper. His famous pilot's instinct kicked in just then, and it told him to run –RUN LIKE HELL.

Because if he said yes to this he'd be saying yes to other requests in the future: 'Could you take Pepper's cousin Bertha dancing?' 'Could you be my best man?' or 'Could you look after the children tonight?'

And no, these two didn't have kids and weren't even remotely close to getting married, but looking at them right now, Rhodey didn't doubt it would happen. 'Just look at them', he thought. They looked _right_ together.

And now Pepper was giving him her own version of the puppy-dog look, and damn! It was enough to break him.

Rhodey sighed. "You're two of a kind."

* * *

Oh, and by the way, Tony and Pepper won the competition. They were too classy to mock Trump and his daughter, though.


	11. Just a bit of news: School Meeting

School meeting

Note: I don't live in the US, so I really don't know much about their school system.

Part of the Ms Portman's speech to Tony and Pepper was taken verbatim from a Nursery School's site.

Thanks to Jake, who has a three-year-old and gave me some valuable advice!

It's deja vu for Tony Stark, when his son's Principal calls him for an urgent meeting.

* * *

"Tony," Pepper said, "Please, come sit down."

Tony, who had been standing by an open window, glanced over his shoulder. Sitting in front of Principal's Portman's desk, Pepper was looking at him in silent appeal. She even patted the chair next to her. But Tony was adamant about not sitting on one of those; they brought him too many memories -bad ones.

One look at the chairs and he'd made a beeline for the nearest window.

"Where's this damn Principal, anyway?" he asked. "Nine sharp, she said, and now -"

"Tony -"

"She's doing it on purpose," he said. "She's making us wait to break us down -" But he knew how paranoid that sounded, and so he looked out the window again. Children were playing out there, happy and carefree -his son among them.

Tony Jr., curls flying about, was running around, laughing and teasing his little pals.

A good little boy.

"He's a good kid," Tony said aloud.

"He is," Pepper said soothingly.

With his eyes still following his son, Tony said, "What kind of trouble can a four-year old get into, anyway?"

That's what they'd been asking themselves since they'd got a note from Tony Jr.'s teacher, requesting their presence at school. They still still had no answer to the question, but privately, Tony had a few ideas.

He hadn't said anything to Pepper -she was worried enough as it was- but the truth was, Tony's parents had been summoned to principals' offices all through his childhoold and well into his teen years. Looking back, he doubted his troublesome ways would have raised eyebrows now; he was just a mischievous, hyperfactive kid, the kind that would have been pumped full of Ritalin, had the drug existed at the time. But that was exactly what troubled him the most now; what if Tony Jr., had inherited his penchant for trouble? What if they decided that Ritalin was the answer?

Not that that was the worst that could happen.

"What if -" he said suddenly; "What if he's slow?"

Pepper sighed again. "Oh, Tony -"

"It could happen."

"If he is, then we'll help him."

Tony was placated.

For a moment.

"What if..." He started again. He turned to look at her. "What if he's too smart for his own good?"

Pepper smiled more warmly this time. "Then he'll grow up to be a mad genius like his father. What's so bad about that?" She patted the seat next to her again. "Come sit down. Miss Portman will be here any minute."

Right on cue, Principal Portman entered the room. A woman in her late thirties, she smiled warmly at Pepper. "Mrs. Stark, good morning. Thank you for being here." She went to her desk before she addressed Tony. "Good morning, Mr. Stark. Would you...?" She motioned him to take a seat.

"I'll stay here, if you don't mind."

"I believe you will be more comfortable here," Ms Portman said.

_'You can believe whatever you want,'_ Tony thought, but wisely refrained from saying it aloud. He reluctantly moved away from the window, but that was his sole concesion. He didn't take a seat; instead, he leant on the bookcase closest to the Principal's desk.

"Hey, you're right. It's more comfortable here," he said. And there was another window there too -an unexpected bonus.

Ms Portman's smile never wavered, but from then on, she turned her attention to Pepper, even though her words were directed to both.

"Mr. And Mrs. Stark," she said, "As you know, Sunny Prairie School provides an environment where a sense of wonder can flourish and where order and predictability are balanced by flexibility and freedom to experiment -"

_'Oh, boy',_ Tony thought. It was going to be one of _those _meetings. He sighed noisily, but the young Principal barely noticed. She was focused on Pepper, her manners oozing goodwill. _'Of course,' _Tony thought sardonically; the school couldn't afford to antagonize a rich parent, no matter what their child did.

But what could a four-year-old boy do, for crying-out-loud?

_'At least they didn't require Tony Jr. to be here'. _Tony still remembered sitting on chairs just like those, flanked not by his parents (who were just too busy/uninterested to attend) but by his caretakers of the day, usually some rookie lawyers from Stark Industries who resented the shitty assignment and openly hated his rich boy guts, (which meant that no matter how neatly the teachers were handled, he was screwed anyway).

Tony tuned out those thoughts and turned his attention back to the Principal, who still hadn't gotten to the point.

"When we, as school authorities, require a parent's presence, it is to ensure that -"

"Oh, boy," Tony muttered, inadvertently loud enough for Pepper and the teacher to hear. There was a sudden silence in the room, and Tony looked around, only to find both women looking at him. Pepper was giving him her best, 'I-love-you-but-if-you-don't-behave-I'll-have-to-kill-you' look, while the Principal was eyeing him a bit warily. Billionaire parents could make or break the entire school system, and she couldn't afford to be openly confrontative.

Tony smiled magnanimously. "I'm sorry, Ms Portman; you were saying?"

"Thank you. As I was saying, our goal is to have every parent contribute their ideas to the -"

"Ok, look," Tony said abruptly; "You don't have to sugarcoat it, ok? You called us in -we already know that; we wouldn't be here, otherwise; so, why don't you just cut the crap and tell us what's going on?" Ok, the 'crap' word was uncalled for, so he added a belated, "Please?"

The Principal eyed him frostily. "Mr. Stark; if your presence is required elsewhere, then by all means, you may go."

"Well, that was pretty straightforward, at least," Tony muttered. "No, Ms Portman, I'm not leaving; I just want you to say -whatever you have to say."

"Well, as I -"

"I'm not about to dodge my responsiblities," Tony mumbled, again loud enough for them to hear.

"As I was saying, I -"

"He's a good kid -"

"Yes, he is, Mr. Stark; as I -"

"If he's in trouble, then we'll do anything to help." He noticed the silence again. Both Pepper and Miss Portman were looking at him. "What?"

Pepper gave him another look, then looked back at the Principal.

"Ms Portman, please; just tell us what happened."

The young woman took a deep breath.

"Mr. And Mrs. Stark. While Sunny Prairies prides itself on embracing every culture, it does not encourage the discussion of a number of subjects, especially those of a delicate nature."

The Starks were genuinely puzzled.

"Delicate nature?" Tony asked. "He's four! What delicate subjects can he be talking about?"

"In this case? Religion."

"Religion?" Pepper repeated.

"Which one?" This from Tony, who was familiar with the subject, having hundreds of employees from different nationalities, all requiring numerous days off to celebrate their religious festivities.

"Not one religion, Mr. Stark," Ms Portman said patiently. "What happened is this: On January 13th, Anthony entered into a discussion with Martine Balleau, a little girl from his class. It seems they were discussing God."

"God?"

"Yes."

"Why would a four-year-old..." Tony started, then paused when he saw Pepper squirm in her seat. "Pepper?"

"Well, hum..."

The Principal looked at her. "Have you discussed the subject with him, Mrs. Stark?"

"I might have," she stalled. Then, "Yes, I did."

"Oh." Tony frowned. "I didn't know that."

"I had to," Pepper said; "He was asking questions, and -" She hesitated. "And I want him to believe in a higher power," she finished defiantly.

Ms Portman smiled.

"I understand, Mrs. Stark. Considering your household arrangements," she added, pointedly glancing in Tony's direction; "I see why you would need to do that."

She and Pepper exhanged a look of complicity that didn't go unnoticed.

"What?" Tony frowned.

Pepper smiled.

"Tony, you're Iron Man; you're able to fly, you blast your oponents into submission... You're a god-like creature in the eyes of any child!"

"But that's not bad," Tony replied. "Is it?"

"It is if you're Iron Man's son," she said gently. "He needs to know about rules and discipline and -"

"Ok, ok," Tony said, raising a hand. "I understand. It's not like I'm an atheist; I say 'my God' whenever I get blasted by my enemies, you know. So, Ms Portman; my son believes in God; is that a problem to you?"

"It is not a problem in itself; it's what he said next. Anthony told Martine that God lives in your workshop, Mr. Stark."

Pepper looked up sharply at Tony. _'What did you do?' _her eyes said.

"What, what?" Tony asked. "I didn't tell him He lives there. What did Tony say exactly, Ms Portman?"

"Anthony said that God lives there, and He knows everything, and He answers everybody's questions, and -" she cleared her throat. "He said God's name is JARVIS."

Pepper and Tony looked at each other and burst into laughs. Tony reached out a hand, and Pepper eagerly rose and went to him. They hugged each other in relief.

"Oh, that's a good one. JARVIS. Oh, God, this is so funny!"

"Oh, shit, yeah," Tonys said. "When JARVIS finds out -no," he countered. "We'd better not tell him anything. He thinks too highly of himself already!"

Principal Portman stared uncomprehendly at the Starks. She cleared her throat once and then again to get their attention, to no avail. She was about to call out to them and demand an explanation...

Then decided against it.

After all, it wasn't every day that parents ended up hugging and laughing in this office.

_'Oh, what the hay',_ she thought to herself.

She smiled and sat back to enjoy the craziness of it all.

* * *

the end


	12. Just a bit: Tony Jr's birthday, P 1

Tony Jr.'s Birthday

Another chapter in the "Just a little bit of news" universe...

Notes: RDJ once said (talking about an Iron Man action figure) that Tony Stark's face looked like Scott Baio's.

I'll post the next chapter later today.

* * *

"_Mrs. Stark and Tony Jr. are back, sir."_

"Oh, good," Tony said. "Thanks, JARVIS." He removed his goggles and set them aside, then started climbing down the armor he'd been working on, with nary a word to the man working on the opposite side.

Coronel Rhodes hastily removed his own goggles. "Hey! Where the hell are you going?"

"Upstairs." Tony glanced over his shoulder. "We'll finish this later, ok?"

"What do you mean, 'later'? This is an emergency!"

"No, it's not. You're not going on a mission. are you?"

"Well, no, but -"

"And if you gotta go, then I'll lend you one of those," and Tony waved at the Iron Man armors lined along the wall.

"Those are too small for me," Rhodey said spitefully. "Hey!" he called out, hurrying after Tony, who was already at the door. Soon, Rhodey was climbing the stairs like Tony -two at a time. "What's going on? So your family's returning from a little shopping trip to the mall –big deal. Meanwhile, my War Machine suit's sprout a leak that could get me killed, and –"

"-and I'll fix it in no time," Tony finished. He must have realized his friend deserved an explanation though, because he stopped. "Look. I really need to talk to Pepper, right now." He lowered his voice to add, "You know Tony Jr.'s birthday's coming up, right?"

"Oh, yeah. My nephews got their invites last week."

"He insisted. Anyway, we wanna give him something nice -something he really likes. We could have just asked him, but we want it to be a surprise, so -"

"-so, Pepper took him shopping so she could find out what the little tyke likes."

"Exactly." Tony started climbing again. "I think he's gonna like the Iron Man in the Mark XI Armor gift set. The Mark X's got all the extras, but -"

"What if he likes the new Malibu Barbie better?" Rhodey said snidely; "Did you think of that?"

Tony stopped abruptly.

"He better not," he said ominously.

"Oh, yeah? Why not?"

"She's way too tall for the Iron Man action figures he's already got."

By the time they made it upstairs, Pepper had already hauled a couple of shopping bags inside and Tony Jr. was rolling on the rug, playing with a puppy.

Rhodes smiled to himself. That was one scene he never expected to witness.

He glanced sideways at Tony. Teasing him about the puppy never got old in Rhodey's book.

"So, Mr. Stark? Did you or did you not say you'd never let a dog put a paw inside your house?"

"Dog?" Tony replied. "What dog? I don't see any dog. If you mean that thing on the rug, that's my son's live tissue plush toy. Stark Industries' latest invention," he added boldly.

Rhodey grinned. Turning his attention back to the boy and the dog, he said, in a booming voice, "What's that flea-bag doing in the house?"

Tony Jr., looked up.

"I'm playing with Bobby, Uncle Rhodey."

Pepper looked up sharply, not at Tony Jr. but at his father.

Tony gave her his most innocent look. "What? It's a little joke between us. Right, champ?" and he ruffled Tony's hair.

"Yes, daddy. You're a flea-bag too!"

"Right. Hey, you mind if I go help your mommy?"

"No, daddy."

* * *

Tony and Rhodes brought the last shopping bags into the kitchen. Once his arms were free, Tony wrapped them around Pepper, who was busy washing apples.

"Well, babe?" he said, "Did you find out what he wants for his birthday?"

Pepper reached for a towel before she answered.

"Um, yes, Tony; he did."

"And?"

"And I'll get it for him," she said evasively.

"_We_'ll get it for him. You know I like shopping for toys."

"You like checking on the competition, you mean."

"That, too. So? What are we getting him?"

Pepper reluctantly turned. She looked at him for a moment, as if unsure on how to begin.

"Tony, I..."

"Yes?"

"I... think you'd better sit down."

"Wha - what? Why? Oh, shit, don't tell me he wants another drum set -"

"No. No, it isn't that. It's -"

"It's that flea-bag joke, isn't it?" He pulled back. "Oh, babe, I didn't mean any harm. I mean, it's just a little joke. I just thought -"

Pepper smiled despite herself. "It isn't that, either."

"Ok. Then what – Wait. He wants a Barbie doll, is that it? 'Cause if he does, then that's ok. I mean, I can deal with that –contrary to what some people might think," he added, glaring at Rhodey.

"No, honey," Pepper said gently. "He doesn't want a Barbie doll. He…Well. He saw this action figure that he liked, and -"

"Oh. Which one? Was it the one with the Mark XI suit, or -"

"Well, no. Actually, he, um -"

By now, Rhodes knew something was very wrong going on.

"Guys, I think I'll go downstairs to -"

But he stopped when he saw the pleading look on Pepper's eyes. 'Don't leave me alone,' the look said.

"-or maybe not," Rhodes muttered.

Pepper turned her attention back to Tony. She looked into his eyes.

"Tony," she said. "Our son wants a -" she gulped. "He -" Finally, she just closed her eyes and blurted out, "HewantsaRobocopactionfigure."

"What!"

Rhodes had closed his eyes too. Then he opened one eye and ventured one look, and –

Sweet Lord, Tony looked like he was about to get an apoplexy.

But he actually sounded more hurt than angry when he spoke. "Are you freaking kidding me? Robocop?"

Pepper put both hands on his shoulders.

"Tony, you've got to understand," she said patiently; "The movies got a revival -"

"There's a new cartoon too," Rhodes said. "All the little kids love that."

Pepper glared at him. 'You're not helping,' the look said.

Tony looked sincerely bewildered.

"But Iron Man's real! Iron Man trumps Robocop every time!"

"And we all know that," Pepper said soothingly; "But Tony; our son's is only four years old; he -"

"Yeah, man," Rhodey said. "He doesn't know Iron Man fights crime for real."

"But -"

Pepper touched Tony's face to regain his attention.

"We decided not to tell him till he turned five, remember?"

"Yeah, but -"

"Besides, it's not like he doesn't love Iron Man," she added, "She just liked the Robocop action figure better. The gift set includes a Harley-Davison -"

"Your toys _don't_ come with bikes," Rhodey pointed out.

"Iron Man doesn't _need_ a bike!" Tony retorted; "He flies, for God's sake!"

"- and Robocop's helmet is removable," Pepper added.

"Yeah, Tony," Rhodey said. "How come Iron Man's helmet isn't removable?"

"Hey, they can remove it once they come up with a face that looks remotely like mine! I mean, come on," he added, turning to Rhodey, "Do I look like Scott Baio?"

Rhodey looked closely. "Well… Now that you mention it…"

Pepper intervened then. She gently took Tony's face between her hands.

"Baby, please. Let him have the Robocop figure. It's his birthday."

"I didn't say I wasn't gonna buy it," Tony muttered.

"I know. I just need to know that you're ok with it."

Tony didn't immediately reply. He was trying not to look into Pepper's eyes –he knew he'd give in the minute he did. Finally, he looked. "Ok," he said, resigned. "Just give me some time, ok?"

And without a further word, he went downstairs to sulk -er, to work.

* * *

TBC

Last Christmas they sold an IM action figure that came with a motorcycle. And I thought, wait a minute! Iron Man doesn't need vehicles!


	13. Just a bit: Tony Jr's birthday, P 2

Tony Jr.'s birthday, part two

I once read some poor soul's comment about how Iron Man was a copy of Robocop! First, I thought, 'what a stupid ass' and then I thought, 'Um... I think there's a fanfic there...'

It took me a while, but I finally finished the story.

* * *

A day before Tony Jr.'s birthday, Rhodey went down to the workshop and found, to his surprise, a giant Robocop birthday cake standing in a corner.

It made sense, in a way, since Tony's workshop was the one place his son had no access to, but it had to be tough on Tony, having to share his space with a rival, so to speak.

Tony seemed resigned. He was sitting at his workbench, putting candy and mementoes in dozens of gift bags for Tony Jr.'s friends.

The Coronel loyally set out to help his friend.

"So," he said, "I take one piece of candy from each of these bags, and then -"

"Yeah. But don't just take candy from any bag!"

Rhodey instantly withdrew his hand.

Tony pointed at a bag of lemon drops.

"You start with one of those, then go around like in a spiral." He methodically took pieces of candy and little gifts from each bag, finishing with a Hershey's kiss. "See? Once we get all the bags filled, we pass them to Dummy for sealing and tagging."

Rhodey looked bewildered. "You're kidding me," was all he said.

His reaction put Tony on the defensive.

"Hey, I'm only making sure that every kid gets the same number of things in their bags. It's called quality control."

"It's called being a control freak," Rhodey retorted. "Just chill, will ya? This isn't the assembly line at Stark Industries, Tony; it's a birthday party. You can't control everything at a birthday party –take my word for it."

"Look, are you gonna help or not?"

Rhodes's response was to reach for a lemon drop, but he didn't take it.

"Wait. Didn't Pepper say you were not to put any candy in the bags?"

"Yep."

"And yet you're -"

"It's a kids' party, Rhodey. They've got to get some candy. I mean, what's the point of being a kid if you can't eat candy?" and he pointedly unwrapped a Tootsie Roll and tossed it into his mouth.

Rhodes noticed the paper wraps littering the floor for the first time.

"If you keep gobbling those there won't be any left for the kids."

Tony pushed a bag in Rhodey's direction. "Want one?"

"Oh, yeah. What's the point of being an adult if you can have candy now and then?"

"We'll just have to spend a few extra hours at the gym."

"And a few more hours at the dentist."

"Stark Industries' got a great dental package," Tony said smugly.

They worked in silence for a while, with Rhodes throwing covert glances at the cake. He was wondering how to broach the subject when, to his surprise, Tony mentioned it first.

"Yes, Rhodey," he said, without looking up. "I know there's a Robocop cake in the room."

"So. You gave in, huh?"

Tony shrugged.

"What can I say. It's my kid's birthday."

"Yeah, but… Still. I'm surprised you haven't accidentally tripped over it or something."

"I did, last night. But Pepper had already ordered a second cake."

"Damn."

Tony sighed. "She knows me too well, Rhodey," he said. "I can't take her by surprise anymore."

"Get her some flowers. _That_ will surprise her."

"Nah. If I get her flowers she'll only get suspicious -think that I'm trying to atone for something I did." He paused for a moment, then added, almost to himself. "She could be allergic to them for all I know."

"You're gonna leave this cake alone, then."

"Well, yeah. I don't wanna cause my kid any grief. And I don't want my wife to be pissed at me either."

"She chewed you off, huh?"

"Actually, she was very calm; she only looked at me and said, 'Are you proud of what you did?' you know, as if I were a little kid. She knows I hate it when she does that. I like it better when she gets angry and flushed and -"

"It turns you on, you mean."

"Oooh, yeah."

"So, you're ok with the Robocop cake, and the Robocop decorations, and the rest." Tony shrugged again. "I'm surprised," Rhodey said. "Not just by this," he said, nodding at the bags in front of them. "I would have thought you'd rent Disneyland or some shit like that for your kid. Holding an old-fashioned party at your own home doesn't sound like something a billionaire would do."

"Yeah, well. We thought we'd keep it simple. To keep the kid grounded, I mean."

"You mean Pepper decided what to do and you just went along."

"Exactly. I bow to her superior wisdom in these things. Besides, it's not like I'm gonna be at the party, so -"

"You're not?"

"Hey, I love _my_ son. I don't wanna deal with little mons -" He didn't finish. Rhodey's nephews were coming over, after all.

"Go ahead," Rhodey said good-naturedly. "They're monsters, all right."

"You think so too? Huh. Then maybe I should warn you; Pepper's gonna ask you to lend her a hand at the party."

"Uh. Oh."

"It would only be for a couple of hours," Tony said. "Besides, you're Tony Jr.'s godfather, so technically it'd be your duty to be there for him."

"_My_ duty? But what about -"

"But hey, if you can't help, then that's ok," Tony continued. "I'm sure you'll have a valid excuse to give her. She'll be disappointed, though." He paused. "Not to mention how sad Tony Jr., will be not to see his honorary uncle at his party. Ah, well."

Rhodey looked at him in disbelief.

"You're a manipulative son of a bitch, d'you know that?"

Tony merely offered him another Tootsie Roll.

* * *

TBC


	14. Just a bit: Tony Jr's birthday, P 3

Part 3

* * *

When the big day arrived, Tony poured himself a cup of coffee and set out to work. His attention wasn't focused solely on paperwork, though. Accustomed as he was to multi-tasking, he could easily handle diagrams, personnel evaluation sheets, a video of Tony Jr., learning to walk (a favorite), and JARVIS' commentary of the birthday party.

"_Mr. and Mrs. Sanborn have arrived, Mr. Stark."_

"Hm."

_"They brought their grandson."_

"Just as long as they take him with them when they leave..."

"_They are handing a gift to Mrs. Stark. A box. According to my sensors, it is a deluxe set of Sesame Street puppets -"_

"Good."

_"-manufactured with non-toxic products -"_

"Nice."

He wasn't really listening; JARVIS was taping everything for him anyway. He only paid attention when his son's name came up.

_"Tony Jr. has just come second in a race."_

"Great! What did he get?"

_"A large box of Crayola crayons."_

Tony shook his head in disapproval. "Oh, Potts, you really went crazy with the educational prizes, didn't you."

Then he paused. Tony Jr., had come up second. Why second and not…? But he quickly eschewed that thought. Second place was good enough, he told himself firmly. Yes, siree, Second was just as great as First.

He just needed to believe it.

Tony sighed. Keeping a lid on his competiveness felt like an uphill battle, sometimes.

He was still musing on this, only half-listening to JARVIS, when he realized his son's name had just come up.

"JARVIS? What did you just say?"

"_There has been an accident," _JARVIS said dutifully; _"Tony Jr. -"_

For a second Tony froze, gripped by a sickening feeling -fear and pain, the same feeling he got when Obie yanked the arch from his chest- and then the next, he practically bolted from his seat.

"_- fell on the stairs leading to the -"_

"Shit. Shit, shit -" Moving fast, Tony grabbed a first-aid kit from his workbench, then rushed to a lateral door. It was the shortest way to the garden area, even with two security check-points along the way. "Come on, come on," he muttered, willing the doors to open faster than they were programmed to.

Rhodey had anticipated that he'd be coming this way. He raised a hand the minute he saw Tony.

"Now, calm down -"

"Where's he?"

"He's ok, Tony; he skinned his knee, but he's all right."

Tony tried to push past his friend but Rhodey wouldn't let him.

"He's ok, I'm telling you." He put his hand on Tony's shoulder. The gesture was meant to calm Tony down, but it didn't work that way.

"Where the hell were you?" Tony lashed out. "You were supposed to be looking after them!"

"Yeah, I was, but they were running all over and I lost sight of him. I fucked up," he admitted. "I'm sorry."

Tony looked over Rhodey's shoulder. Tony Jr. was perched on a stool, solemnly holding a knee with both hands.

His first thought was, 'He's alive!' then, 'There's blood there.'

He looked around. Some of little Tony's friends were there, watching from a distance -probably intimidated by Tony Stark's sudden appearance.

There were no adults around.

"Where's Pepper?"

"She's getting the piñata ready," Rhodey said. "She doesn't know yet."

"Ok," Tony said. "Ok, good." Pepper was the most level-headed person he knew, except where her son was concerned. Better let her find out later, after the wound had been cleaned and dressed.

And that was up to him.

He took a deep breath. He nodded at Rhodey, who finally let him pass.

Tony casually held up the first-aid kit.

"Hey, champ. The Repairman's here."

"Hi, daddy," Tony Jr., said wearily. "I got tagged," he added as sole explanation.

"Oh. Well. It happens." He put the kit on the ground. "You know the drill, right?"

"Uh, huh." The boy shifted a little to allow his dad full access to his knee.

Rhodey stood by their side.

"You need any help?"

"Nah, we're fine. Thanks," he added quietly, 'cause Rhodey had, after all, done his best for the child.

"I'm sorry, man," Rhodey said again.

"Oh, it's ok," Tony said with a sigh. "This happens to kids all over the world every day." He opened the Stark Medical Kit for Children and took some cotton and a couple of brightly colored bottles from it.

He gently cleaned the wound, revealing a gash on the boy's knee.

"Whoa," Rhodes said, "That looks nasty."

"Thanks for the observation, Colonel," Tony said sarcastically. Looking at his son, he used his gentlest tone again. "Hey, Champ; how you doing?"

"I'm fine, daddy," the boy said solemnly. He was being stoic for his father, who in turn forced himself not to fuss.

"We'll take care of it in no time. Want to see the bubbles?"

"Oh, yes, daddy."

"It'll hurt a bit."

"I know." It wasn't the first time he'd gone through this.

"Here we go," Tony said, dreading this moment. No matter how gentle he was, and no matter how many times he'd changed the formula of that antiseptic, it always stung.

Tony Jr. winced. "Yikes," he blurted out, then valiantly pressed his lips together.

"You can yell if you want," Tony said kindly.

"YIKES!"

"There you go," Tony approved.

The antiseptic bubbled over, and Tony Jr., watched with interest.

Meanwhile, his father was watching him.

Looking at Tony, no one would have guessed the inner struggle going on. There were things he needed to say; things he shouldn't say, perhaps, but damn, he'd been holding back for three whole days.

He just couldn't keep mum anymore.

"So," he said casually; "You like Robocop, huh."

"Tony -"

Ignoring Rhodes, he insisted.

"So? Do you like the guy?"

"Oh, yes, daddy. He's cool. He traps all the bad men!"

"Oh, yeah? Can he make little boys' knees feel better too?"

Rhodey shook his head. "Oh, this is so wrong -"

Tony Jr., was frowning over the question. "I dunno -"

"I bet he can't," Tony said spitefully. He took a butterfly band aid and skillfully placed it on the boy's knee. "What about Iron Man?" he asked, "I thought you liked him."

"Tony!" Rhodey was growing more indignant with each question. "Come on!"

"What? It's true, you know; he used to say Iron Man was cool!"

"He _is_ cool," Tony Jr. said tentatively. "But he doesn't have a gun. Robocop does!"

"Yikes." Tony was appalled. "Aw, son; guns aren't cool…"

"Yeah," Rhodey muttered. "Who needs guns when you can pulverize bad guys with your own hands, right, Tony?"

"Shut up," Tony hissed. "This is an important moment between father and son. You-know-who's got to learn that guns are not cool!"

Tony Jr., didn't know who Youno Whose was, but he did know his daddy was totally wrong here.

"Robocop's gun _is_ cool!" he said. "It shoots bubbles when you squeeze it!"

"Bubbles? Really?"

"I saw it on TV!"

Tony pondered over this for a moment. "A gun that shoots bubbles. Interesting."

Rhodey rolled his eyes.

"I bet you're wondering why Stark Industries didn't come up with that one first, huh?"

"Shut up," Tony hissed again. He looked back at Tony Jr. "So. Would you like Iron Man better if he got a gun?"

"Tony, for God's sake, leave the kid alone!" Rhodes even stepped between the two to make his point. "Here, let me make your ego feel better. Tony Jr., tell me this: Who's cooler: Robocop or daddy?"

The boy brightened up. "Daddy's cooler!" he said enthusiastically.

Tony Sr., brightened up too.

"You really think I'm cooler?"

"Yeah!" And the child raised his tiny hand.

Tony high-fived his son. "Thanks, buddy," he said. He looked at Rhodey. "Did you hear that?" he said smugly. "My son likes _me_ better."

"Yeah, yeah. Enjoy it while it lasts."

Tony Jr. was restless all of a sudden.

"Can I go now?" he said. "Mommy's gonna put up a piñata!"

"A Robocop piñata," Rhodey added pointedly.

"Oh," Tony said. He picked Tony Jr. and set him on the ground. "Go. And give it a good whack for daddy, ok?"

* * *

THE END


	15. So romantic

So Romantic

A little story that came up to me during my lunch break today, (Aug. 22)

* * *

Tony Stark approached Pepper Potts' desk, and without a word set a golden box in front of her.

Pepper stared at it, then looked up.

Tony smiled.

"Godiva chocolates, Potts."

"Yes," she said, reaching for her pen. "Who shall I send them to?"

"What do you mean who shall you send them to? They're for you."

Pepper frowned.

"Me? Why?"

"What do you mean why? It's our first-month anniversary, of course."

Pepper stared blankly at him.

"Don't you remember?" When Pepper didn't reply, he added, "A month ago?"

Silence.

Reluctantly, Tony went on. "I told you that I...That I…" He gulped. "You know."

She held back a smile.

"Actually, I don't," she said sweetly. "You said, 'Pepper, I... I...' and then you started to kiss me, and that was it."

"Hey, you kissed me back too," he pointed out. "Don't make it sound like it was a one-sided thing."

"The point is you didn't tell me anything."

"No, the point is, something happened a month ago," he said patiently; "I kissed you, you kissed me, and now you and me are… You know. So, I got you this." He gave the box a little push in Pepper's direction, then abruptly pulled it back. "You're not allergic to chocolate, are you?"

"Only if there are strawberries in it."

"Oh, there are none there," he said firmly. "I was very specific."

Pepper smiled.

"Thank you, honey." She touched the box. "It's gorgeous." She looked up and noticed Tony was still looking expectantly at her. "Would you like one?"

"No, thanks." He kept staring at her. Finally, he said, "Well?"

"Well...What?"

"You didn't get me anything?"

Pepper was taken aback.

"Uh, no. I… I didn't."

"You didn't?" Tony frowned. "Huh. I thought you were only pretending you didn't remember, but -"

"Oh, Tony, I'm sorry. I just… It never occurred to me you'd want to keep track of -I mean, you never do. It's always been up to me to remind you of every date, and -"

"Exactly," he said. "I thought you'd remember this."

"'This' is not a business date, Tony. It's personal. I didn't -" She hesitated, then reluctantly said, "I guess I'm just not a romantic kind of person."

Tony's eyebrows rose.

"You're not?"

"I don't think so. At least, I never kept track of anniversaries or any significant dates. If you asked my exboyfriends, they'd -"

"No, thanks." Tony said with a glare. "I don't even wanna know there are any out there." He stared at her for a moment, then shook his head, "It's funny. I thought all women kept lists of these things."

"Not me," she said casually, then she checked herself. "I hope you don't mind."

"What? No. I mean, sure, it would have been nice if you -" he let the word trail off. He smiled faintly. "I guess I should be relieved you're so low-maintenance." But he didn't really sound relieved, and the smile on his lips had a touch of sadness in it. "I won't have to worry about getting dates right and giving you nice things, and all that." He looked appraisingly at her. "So, no lists of anniversaries, huh?"

"No."

"And I suppose you never kept a list of baby names in the back of your wardrobe either."

"Never," Pepper said, "Why would I? I knew if you ever had a daughter you'd name her Maria after your mom; and if it was a boy, you'd name him Anthony or Howard."

"Yeah, well. Maybe," he said testily. "Or maybe I would have -" But he didn't finish. A thought had occurred to him, and it made him smile, genuinely this time. "Are you saying I was your only choice when it came to the hypothetical father of your hypothetical children?"

Pepper opened her mouth to reply, but no word came at first.

"I... I suppose you were," she said slowly. She smiled in sudden realization. "You _always_ were."

He melted.

"Aw, Potts. That's very... you know."

She knew all right.

* * *

The End


	16. Kiss the Bride, Part 1

Kiss the Bride

Inspired by an Elton John song.

Pepper would never marry a man she didn't love... Or so Tony thought. He also thought she'd stay by his side forever. Fortunately, Rhodey's there to help him face the facts.

* * *

_Well she looked a peach in the dress she made_  
_When she was still her mama's little girl_  
_And when she walked down the aisle everybody smiled_  
_At her innocence and curls_  
_And when the preacher said is there anyone here_  
_Got a reason why they shouldn't wed_  
_I should have stuck up my hand_  
_I should have got up to stand_  
_And this is what I should have said_

_I wanna kiss the bride yeah!_  
_I wanna kiss the bride yeah!_  
_Long before she met him_  
_She was mine, mine, mine_  
_Don't say I do_  
_Say bye, bye, bye_  
_And let me kiss the bride yeah!_

Tony Stark put down his solder gun. He took a deep breath, shrugged one shoulder to ease the tension, then picked his gun again. He readjusted his goggles, leant forward, tried to focus on the tiny pieces he was fusing...

_And when she slipped on the ring I knew everything_  
_Would never be the same again_  
_But if the groom would have known he'd have had a fit_  
_About his wife and the things we did_  
_And what I planned to say_  
_Yeah on her wedding day_  
_Well I thought it but I kept it hid_

... but there was no use: his concentration was bust.

He glared; first at the CD player resting on the workbench, then at the owner. Jim Rhodes was lying on a couch on the opposite side, a magazine in one hand, a remote in the other. His right leg was propped on a cushion, the blue cast a reminder of a recent mishap; he had a twisted ankle, and he he'd been using a crutch for days now.

Seeing him like this should have elicited some sympathy from Tony, but it didn't.

"Hey, Tiny Tim," he said uncharitably; "Play something else, will ya?"

Rhodes looked up. "You don't like pop rock?" he asked innocently.

"Not when I have to hear the same song twice. And since when do you like Elton John, anyway?"

Rhodey shrugged.

"I don't."

"Then why are you playing his music?"

"Oh, I'm glad you asked. " Rhodey said, and he smiled placidly. "You see, Elton doesn't really bother me. You, on the other hand, can't concentrate with this kind of music. I figured, if I was gonna be miserable, you might as well be miserable too. I mean, I shouldn't even be here, Tony."

"Here we go," Tony muttered.

"I should be out there doing cool things," Jim continued; "I should be working. Instead, I've got to take it easy for a week-and-a-half. And why do I have to take it easy for a week-and-a-half?" He didn't wait for a reply; "I've got a busted ankle; that's why. As for whose fault it is -"

Tony raised a hand.

"Ok, ok, I get it. It's payback time. Can you at least replay a different song? That one's stupid."

Rhodes frowned. "You think so?"

"Hell, yeah. I mean, 'Kiss the bride?' Come on!"

"Well -"

"I mean, that's not what you do in that kind of situation."

"Really?" Rhodey looked up with interest. "What would _you_ do?"

"Well, I wouldn't let her _plan_ a wedding, that's for sure," Tony said sarcastically. "I mean, was this guy comatose, or what?"

"I don't know, Tony;" Rhodes said slowly; "Maybe he was in some sort of confinement. Jail, for instance. Or a _workshop_."

"Whatever," Tony muttered. "If he let things go that far, then he deserves to lose her." He picked his gun and pointedly looked at Rhodey, who responded by turning off the CD player. Tony smiled. "Thanks, pal."

Jim watched Tony work for a moment, then asked off-handedly. "Hey, Tone? Where's Pepper?"

Tony didn't immediately reply, and when he did, he merely said, "Huh?"

"Not that Mrs. Rennie isn't pleasant and all," Rhodes continued, "But I miss our lovely Miss Potts."

"Pepper? She's on vacation. I told you, didn't I?"

Rhodes shook his head. "Tony, a week is a vacation. Two weeks is a vacation. But a month-and-a half? That's a desertion."

"Actually, it's called a leave of absence, Colonel. She said she needed some time off, and I agreed."

"Oh, I agree she needed the time off, but a month and a half -"

"A month and one week," Tony cut in. "It's important to be accurate, here."

Rhodey was silent for a moment.

"Did she say when she's coming back?"

Tony's response was barely audible.

"She'll be back when she's ready."

"Ready? What does _that_ mean?"

Tony didn't reply.

Rhodes sighed. "Listen, Tony. I didn't wanna broach the subject, but -"

"Then don't broach it."

"-but I've got a busted ankle," Jim finished. "And do you know how I got my ankle bust, Tony?"

Tony reluctantly removed his goggles. "Look -"

Jim raised a hand. "No, wait," he said calmly: "It's a funny story, actually," he added, as if he were about to share the greatest joke; "You see, I've got a busted ankle because the guy who built my armor fucked up the design and didn't know he'd fucked up till I crashed and BUSTED MY ANKLE!"

"Now, wait a minute," Tony said indignantly. "There was nothing wrong with my design!" He paused for a couple of seconds, then added, sheepishly. "One of the pieces I used was defective."

"And you didn't notice this because…?" Rhodes paused, but got no reply. "Because you were too preoccupied to focus on my suit. Come on, Tone; why don't you just admit it? It'd be easier if you did."

"I wasn't preoccupied' -"

"Well, _I_ am, Tony;" Rhodes replied, "'Cause as long as Pepper's gone, your mind isn't a 100% on your job. And that's scary." Those last words seemed to have an effect on Tony; the man removed his goggles and put them on the table. For once, he didn't have a snappy come back. "Now, look; if there's anything I can do... I'm here, pal."

"It's no big deal," Tony muttered. "She…"

"- quit."

"She didn't quit! She just needed some time to find herself!"

"Find herself," Rhodes snorted. "Yeah, right. She found herself a boyfriend; that's what she did."

"He's not her boyfriend!" Tony said it as if this wasn't the first time he'd tried to convince someone. "He's just a childhood friend; a sickly kid she used to be protective of!"

"Oh, so you did know about the guy."

"Mrs. Rennie mentioned him a couple of weeks ago," Tony muttered reluctantly.

"Uh, huh. And did she also mention this 'sickly 'kid' is now a _6'3_ architect who often models clothes for GQ?"

There. Rhodes had touched a raw nerve; Tony's pain showed in his eyes for the first time. It was gone almost instantly, but his friend knew him too well not to notice.

Jim softened his tone. "Ok, look; I don't mean to be nasty here. I just want you to face facts: She's obviously been in touch with this guy for years; they got together again, and things got serious."

Tony looked up.

"So, she's got a boyfriend," he said quietly. "It doesn't mean she's not coming back."

Jim rolled his eyes in disbelief.

"She belongs with me," Tony said stubbornly. "She knows that."

"Then why did she take this leave of absence in the first place? And don't try selling me that crap about her 'trying to find herself'. Something happened between you two, right? Something big. I mean, apart from the obvious," he added snidely. "You two were doing it, weren't you."

Tony smiled, but only briefly.

"Yeah," he said. "We were."

"I thought so; I noticed how flushed and rumpled she looked after each 'meeting.' And you looked more smug than usual too." He leant forward. "So, what the hell happened? Spill man; did she wanna get serious and you didn't?"

"It wasn't -"

"Did she catch you fooling around with some other chic?"

"No!"

"Then what?" Smiling, he asked, "Did you, ahem, fail to perform?"

Tony shot him a look but didn't deign to reply.

"Ok, then what did you do?"

"Why do you assume I did anything?"

"I don't know; past history? Come on, whatever it was, it had to be pretty serious for her to pick up and leave. Oh, man," he groaned suddenly. "You asked her to sign a prenup, didn't you."

Tony glared. "No, I didn't ask her to sign a prenup! It wasn't any of those things, ok? She just -" He stopped himself on time. "She wanted something I couldn't give her."

"Like what? Money? No, not money," Rhodey added to himself. "Did she ask you to stop wearing the Iron Man armor?" Tony scoffed softly, as if the idea was too ludicrous to consider. "So, what the hell happened?"

Tony shook his head. "Let it go, Rhodey; there's nothing you can do. But don't worry; she'll be back. She just needs time."

"Time? She's been gone for more than a month, and you think time is all she needs?"

"She'll come around," Tony said reassuringly. "There's no way she's gonna stay with this guy."

Jim threw the remote. "God, you're such an idiot! Don't you know what day is today?"

"Friday?"

"Yeah, Tony; today's Friday. And do you know where she's gonna be at four today? St. Martin's Cathedral!"

"St. Martin's Cathedral?" Tony frowned. "Why would she need to be at -" He froze, in sudden realization. "You don't mean -"

"Yes."

"No way."

"I'm afraid it's true, man."

"No way," Tony said mechanically; "She'd never marry a man she didn't love."

"How do you know? Women are kinda funny when it comes to love, Tone. If she still feels protective of him, well, that might be enough for her."

"Not Pepper. She'd never do that." But he'd started to sound like he was trying to convince himself.

"Fine," Rhodey said. "Have it your way." He leant back on the couch. "All I know is that she's scheduled to be at St. Martin's at four. I got an invite, by the way," he added casually. "I would have gone, but, like I said, I've got a busted ankle."

Tony looked up incredulously.

"You got an invite? And you didn't tell me until now?"

"She asked me not to. And frankly, I didn't think you'd give a fuck. I mean, you didn't even blink when she left. You knew she was seeing this guy and you still didn't do anything!"

"I didn't think it was serious!"

"Well, it is, you moron! She probably got tired of waiting for you to change your mind about –well, whatever it is that you didn't make up your mind about." He paused. "So, Mr. Stark; the question now is, are you gonna let her go through with this, or are you gonna do something about it?"

Tony's response was swift.

"JARVIS? Get me the Mark X suit, will ya?" And he turned in that armor's direction.

Rhodes half-rose in alarm.

"Not that, you ass! You can't wear armor in church! What's wrong with you?"

"But this is the fastest way to get there!"

"You can't go in as Iron Man! You'll scare the crap out of people there! And it's a bad PR move, too. If word gets around that Iron Man visited a Christian church, people from all over the world will accuse you of religious bias! They'll demand that you visit each and every one of their temples!"

"I can do that," Tony said confidently; "I'll program a dozen armors to do the job."

"Fine," Jim said. "Do that." Off-handedly, he added. "I don't think Pepper will be thrilled to see Iron Man busting into St. Martins's, though."

Tony didn't hesitate.

"JARVIS? Forget about the Mark X. I'll drive instead."

_"A wise decision, Mr. Stark. And please convey my best wishes to Miss Potts on this happy occasion."_

"Traitor," Tony muttered.

* * *

TBC


	17. Kiss the Bride, Part 2

Part 2

* * *

St. Martin's wasn't what Tony Stark had expected.

He'd pictured hundreds of guests, all turning in his direction the moment he rushed in. They'd probably try to keep him from getting to Pepper, but that was ok, he could handle it, armor or no armor. Getting hurt might even win him points with Pepper, so he actually looked forward to it the fight.

Instead, he stepped into a place that looked like it hadn't been used in months. And it was dark, to -or maybe it only looked dark to him after driving all the way there without sunglasses, but the point was, he couldn't see a damn thing.

He wasn't one to stand around in indecision, though, and so he rushed inside...

And promptly bumped into a pillar.

"Oh, sh -"

He didn't finish. He hadn't been to church in years and knew next to nothing about one's behavior once inside, but he had the feeling that swearing wouldn't earn him any points. Instead, he took a look around. Ok, he still didn't see anything and he couldn't hear anything either -Except for a familiar clip-clump sound approaching.

Grinning, Tony moved into the shadows and waited. One, two, three -Bam! Jim Rhodes bumped into the pillar too.

He didn't show the same restraint as Tony. "Oh, shit!" Then, in a whisper. "Hey, Tone? You there?"

Tony waved at him. "Hey," he said casually; "You made it!"

"Not thanks to you, _pal._"

"You said you could handle the last stairs."

"The stairs were no problem; it was the pigeons you spooked that gave me trouble! Did you have to run?"

"Hell, yeah," Tony replied, then winced at the sound of the word 'hell.' He lowered his voice too. "I'm here to stop a wedding, remember? Speaking of which," he added, "Where's everybody?"

"This ain't the main entrance," Jim said. "We only used it 'cause it's the closest to the parking lot." He glanced around, then used one of his crutches to point the way. "There."

Tony looked at the crutch..

"Try to keep it quiet, ok? I don't want them to know we're here."

"Excuse me, _I_ got an invitation," Jim retorted. "I can do all the noise I want." He motioned Tony to go on. "Let's move."

Tony felt his way along the wall till his eyes got accustomed to the gloominess. Once he had a clearer view, he started looking around.

Jim noticed.

"Wondering how many armors you could fit in here?"

"It's eerie," Tony muttered. "I've got the feeling we're about to get ambushed, or something."

Jim smiled.

"Afraid of divine punishment, aren't ya. Relax, Lucifer; you've made it this far -you're probably safe. It's Pepper you ought to worry about." He was silent for a moment. "You really love her, do you."

"Yeah," Tony said as if it were obvious.

"But not enough to give her what she wanted."

Tony studiously kept his gaze on the floor.

"What was it, man? She wanted a baby and you didn't?"

Tony shook his head. "I'd have ten kids with her."

"TEN? Maybe _that's_ what spooked her away."

Tony didn't reply. By then, they'd reached the main entrance, and Tony's attention was drawn to the stained glasses, the high ceilings, and the frescoes on the walls.

"Whoa. This place is huge."

"Yep."

"It's kinda quiet, though." Tony glanced around. "It's almost four O'clock, isn't it?"

Jim shrugged. "Weddings never start on time, Tone."

"Yeah, but, come on. There should be some guests at least. And what about the decorations? I mean, it's a wedding, right? Where are the flowers? There should be a bunch of them on every pew, and bows, and lacy things hanging about."

Jim stared at Tony, then shook his head.

"You freak me out, sometimes. One minute you're the Tony Stark I know, then the next you start talking like you're channeling some gay decorator."

"I've seen a couple of weddings, that's all."

"On _TV_."

"Yeah, on TV. What's your point?"

"This is real life, Tony. Not all people care about those things."

"There should be some flowers at least. Pepper loves flowers."

"Maybe he's allergic. Maybe he's a frugal kind of guy. Maybe -"

"-maybe he's a cheap fool," Tony said snidely. "And what about the music? You can't have a wedding without music, Rhodey. There should be someone in here, tuning a violin, or something."

As if on cue, music started to play somewhere.

"That's not live music," Tony said critically.

"Oh, yeah? And how do you know that?"

"I have that CD," Tony retorted. "It was sponsored by Stark Industries."

"Shhh!" Rhodey paused for a couple of seconds, then motioned Tony to follow. He led the way past a couple of pillars into the main part of the nave.

"There," he said, looking in the altar's direction. "It's started already."

Tony turned. There were people in there after all. Not the crowds he'd expected; just enough to fill a couple of pews. But it wasn't the people sitting that caught his attention; it was the couple -a man and a woman, standing close together and facing a priest. Mechanically, Tony walked down the aisle, Jim following in tow.

Halfway there, Tony stopped abruptly.

"That's Pepper," he said.

"Yeah." Rhodey looked at him. "What, you didn't believe me?"

Tony shook his head.

"I thought it was only a misunderstanding. Or maybe some sick joke."

JIm patted him on the back.

"I'm afraid it's not, Tone."

Tony looked back. He frowned.

"Still… It doesn't look like a real wedding."

"How would you know? You've never been to a real one."

"No, but, come on. Look at the priest. He looks shabby. And Pepper's dress… It's white, all right, but it's not churchy at all. She doesn't even have a veil!"

Jim rolled his eyes. "That's the gay decorator in you talking again."

Tony was still frowning.

"Something's off here. Like maybe this is some kind of weird cult. That'd make some sense at least."

"Well, are you gonna do something about it or not?"

Tony nodded.

"I'm going in," he said, sounding as determined as he did whenever he faced his deadly enemy, The Mandarin. "You're backing me up, right?"

"Sure," Jim said just as seriously, then abruptly grabbed Tony's arm. "Wait! Do you know what you're gonna do?"

"Yeah," Tony said, "I saw this movie once; it was a long time ago, but –no, wait," he added, stopping. "That movie ended with a dead bride."

"Oh, for God's sake -"

"Relax," Tony said confidently. "I'll think of something."

"Just as long as you don't say you wanna kiss he bride," Jim muttered.

All along, the priest had been muttering something unintelligible into a microphone that wasn't really working. But now he nodded at Pepper and said something that sounded like -

Tony frowned. "Did he say 'mows'?"

"He's telling Pepper to go ahead and recite her _vows_."

Pepper's hand was shaking slightly as she took the microphone from the priest, and her voice was tremulous as she spoke into it.

"I, Virginia Clarisse…"

Tony and Jim winced at the same time.

Jim snickered. "No wonder she prefers to be called Pepper."

"Shhh!" Tony wanted to hear the rest but just then Pepper accidentally dropped her bouquet and it fell to the floor with a loud crash. "Jesus," Tony whispered. "What kind of flowers are those?"

"What, you don't know?" Jim smiled ironically. He glanced around. "I think she grabbed some from the altar. Whoa, that guy is cheap."

Tony's attention was back on Pepper.

Flustered, she'd started again.

"I, Virginia Clarisse, promise you, Ton -"

"Bentley," the architect said, making it sound like this wasn't the first time he'd had to correct her.

Pepper nodded hurriedly. "I, Virginia Clarisse, promise you, Bentley, to… to…"

"…To honor you," the architect said with growing exasperation.

"… To honor you, and… and…"

"Shall you begin again?" the priest said helpfully.

Jim leant sideways.

"She's a nervous wreck!"

"That's not like her," Tony said. "It's like this guy's sucked all the confidence off her."

"A soul vampire."

"Yeah."

Pepper was still having trouble with her vows.

"…To honor you, and to… to…"

"… And to love you," Bentley said petulantly. "Virginia, I thought you'd memorized your lines!"

"I did! I'm nervous, ok?"

Bentley looked at the priest.

"Maybe we should jump to my lines," he said, "_I_ learned them by heart."

"What a jackass,"Rhodey muttered.

"And he's got a temper," Tony said, with growing concern. "He's not the right guy for her." And it was this realization that prompted him to act sooner than he'd planned.

He walked in the altar's direction till he was just a few feet away.

"Hey," he called out, his voice echoing back.

Pepper and the architect turned around as one.

Now that he had their attention, Tony said the only words that worked in this kind of situation: "I object."

Pepper looked incredulous; Bentley looked stupid.

The priest looked at him over his glasses.

"This is not an actual wedding ceremony, sir," he said. "It's only a rehearsal."

"A rehearsal...?" Tony started. Everything made sense, at last; the number of people attending, the lack of ornaments, the recorded music, the borrowed bouquet…

And Jim must have known all along.

Tony looked around. Jim wasn't standing close by anymore; he was sitting on a pew, his arms hanging on the back.

He was smiling placidly.

"I told you it was a rehearsal. Or didn't I?"

Tony glared at him. He was going to say something, but the priest spoke again.

"May we continue, young man?"

Tony looked back. He had everybody's attention now. A couple of old ladies had left their seats and were now hovering over the couple, as if concerned for their safety. They actually looked afraid of Tony, who, let's face it, looked menacing in his grease-spattered clothes.

Pepper intervened. "Tony, please," she said. She glanced at the architect, sheepishly, as if to apologize for Tony's behavior. The architect didn't acknowledge her. He simply straightened up, displaying his one advantage over his rival.

Tony ignored the tall motherfucker and instead looked at the priest.

"A rehearsal," he said. "Right. I thought –but you know what I thought. Look; all I wanted -" He was interrupted by a loud buzz coming from one of his pockets. It was his cell phone –not his personal phone but the one that SHIELD had issued him. The one that meant big business, life-and-death situations.

Tony resisted for a couple of seconds, then gave in and picked up the phone.

"What!" (Pause) "Yeah, it's me, who else it's gonna be?" (Pause) "Uh, yes, Mr. President." He looked up and noticed the glares from Pepper and the architect. He silently mouthed the words, "It's the President,' then promptly spoke into the phone. "Yes, sir. Loki's back, huh?" (Pause) "Uh, listen Burt, I'm handling a delicate situation right now, so…" (Pause) "Yes. I understand, but isn't this Thor's call? It's his brother after all." (Pause) "Back in Asgard, huh. Ok, then what about Cap -" (Pause) "Good-will tour in Russia? Ha! Like that's gonna do any good." He listened a moment more, then, "Ok, ok, I get you; I'm the only one available." He looked up. Pepper looked seriously pissed now. The architect merely snorted. "Yes, sir," Tony said into the phone. "I'll do it."

Tony put the phone into his pocket. Studiously avoiding Pepper, he spoke to the priest. "Sorry for the interruption. You may go on." He turned and started to walk away when suddenly, something hit him hard on the head.

"Ow!" He rubbed the back of his head, and watched incredulously as pieces of wax fall to the floor.

He'd been hit with Pepper's bouquet.

Stunned, he turned around. Pepper was looking at him, hands on her waist, eyes flashing in anger.

"Potts! What's wrong with you? That hurt!"

"Good!" She started walking up to him -slowly, threateningly, each step punctuating her words, "You. Think. You. Can. Ruin. My. Wedding. And. Then. Walk. Out. Just. Like. That?"

"It's only a rehearsal," he replied; "Besides, I got a call from the President."

"Oh, yes_. Burt_ called." She hated the guy.

"Loki escaped, Potts; I gotta rein him in." He lowered his voice. "Look; I gotta go, but I swear I'll be back. Ok?" He didn't wait for an answer. He started to walk away, only to stop when she spoke again.

"You take one more step and you won't make it to the door in one piece."

He looked back at her. Oh, yeah, she meant that all right.

Tony smiled.

"What are you gonna do, spank me?"

She didn't smile back.

"Tony, you can't come back into my life just because you're feeling lonely."

"I'm not lonely," he retorted, "As your employer, I was concerned about your extended leave of absence. I mean, that's what you called it, remember?"

"God, Tony; it was obvious I was lying!"

"It wasn't obvious to me! You'd never lied to me. Not once." He looked her in the eye, giving her a chance to contradict him. She didn't. "So, if I ask you a question, you're gonna tell me the truth, right?"

She dropped her gaze.

"Right?" he repeated, and he waited till she (reluctantly) looked at him again. "Do you love him?"

She didn't hesitate. "I do."

He shook his head.

"No, you don't. You're just running away."

"And aren't you? You're running away right now. You always do. And I can't stay behind, Tony. You say you want the truth, well, all right, here it is: I don't love him the way I love you," she said quietly. "But at least he'll let me be by his side every step of the way."

He sighed, "Oh, Potts -"

"That's all I wanted, Tony."

" -we've been through this so many times -"

"Don't worry; I'm not going to argue anymore." Sadly, she added, "I was just hoping that -"

Tony's phone rang again. He picked the phone but didn't immediately answer.

"Go ahead; _Burt_'s calling." When Tony picked the call, she said, loudly, "I bet _he _doesn't care that you're risking your life out there. Do you, Burt?"

Tony tried to shield his phone from her but it was too late. The President heard ever word.

"Yes?" (Pause) "She's, uh, my girlfriend, sir." (Pause) Redhead." (Pause) "Fiery –yeah, she is. She's tall and strong, good in good times and bad, and she's got a fleshy, sweet mouth that -but I'm digressing. (Pause) I'm trying to keep her from marrying someone else, sir." (Pause) "I'm crazy about her! But she wants to battle the bad guys up there with me, and I can't let her do that."

Jim had been following the conversation, and now he looked at Pepper.

"That's it? You wanted to wear armor too?"

"Yes," she replied. "In case his superhero friends were too busy to back him up. Or in case one of them went out and twisted his dainty little _ankle_!"

"Hey! It wasn't my fault! It was _you _fault, actually!"

"My fault! How can that be?"

"Quiet, you two!" Tony hissed. He spoke back into his phone. "No, she's not an airhead!" he said indignantly; "She's pretty good, actually." (Pause) "Because I don't want her to take any risks! I just want her to be safe!" He looked at her. "I want you to be safe, Potts; that's it."

"And I want you to be safe too! How do you think I feel when you go out there on your own? I know you can handle it, but what if you need back-up? I could be there for you any time -"

"It's not your place."

"Oh, so a woman's place is in the kitchen now? Is that what you're saying?"

"No," Tony said patiently; "Your place is at the office, covering my ass while I'm away. I know you can do both things, and I know you mean well, but... I can't let you do it."

"Then there's nothing more to say."

"Of course there's a lot to say! Come on, Pepper! You don't love this guy. You can't -I mean, a fling's one thing, but your entire life? Can you picture spending day after day with him?" Huskily, he added, "Night after night? I don't think so." He wanted to say more, but he could hear the roar of helicopters approaching.

Pepper heard it too. She looked sad.

"They're coming for you."

"Yeah," he said apologetically; "They're taking me back to the mansion."

She dropped her gaze.

Tony glanced at Jim, who made an encouraging gesture with his hand. 'Go on!' it said.

Tony looked back at Pepper. "Hey. You know I love you, right? Right?" She closed her eyes at the sound of those words but didn't reply. He took a step to her. He wanted to offer her some comfort, but didn't know how. "Come on," he whispered. "Try to understand. If I keep saying no it's because I don't want to lose you."

"You're losing me anyway," she said sadly. She looked up. "And yes, I know you love me. I love you, too."

Bentley finally snapped out of his complacency.

"Virginia! You're not seriously considering -"

"Hey!" Rhodey cut in. "Shut your mouth, kid. This is important!"

Pepper was still looking at Tony.

"I do, Tony," she said.

He tentatively reached out to her.

"If I let you wear armor…"

"Yes?"

"If I let you come with me…"

She took his hand and held it firmly.

"I'll make sure we both come back in one piece," she said.

He smiled.

"Virginia!"

Without letting go of Tony's hand, Pepper turned to look at Bentley.

"Ben, you knew how I felt about Tony," she said patiently; "You're my best friend and I love you, and I meant it when I said I'd help you, but… I don't think we could have gone though with it. I know I wouldn't." She took a deep breath. "I think this is for the best, Ben." She looked at the group of ladies hovering behind Bentley. "Mrs. Andrews?"

One of the ladies blinked.

"Mrs. Andrews, Ben thought getting married would make you happy, but isn't his happiness just as important? There is something he's never told you, but I think you already know; maybe if I say it out loud it'll be easier for you to admit it to yourself. Mrs. Andrews, Ben is gay."

The lady's jaw dropped. She held on for a couple of seconds, then collapsed on the nearest pew. She was obviously in shock.

Bentley ran to her.

Pepper wasn't moved.

"Oh, and Mrs. Andrews? Think about this: you'll never have to share your son with another woman."

Mrs. Andrews' jaw snapped shut then. Clearly, that idea had never occurred to her. It obviously comforted her.

Tony looked admiringly at her.

"Nicely done," he said, offering her his arm. "It looks like Super Potts saved the day. "

"Don't call me that."

"Red Menace?"

"That sounds communist."

"What about Sweet -" and he whispered the rest into her ear.

She blushed.

"Hey, Tone?" Jim said, "I think the President's still on the line."

Tony looked down at the phone in his hand. He picked up the call again. "Uh, listen Burt; I'll call you when we've got Loki, ok?" (Pause) Yeah, _I_ got lucky, all right."

* * *

The End


End file.
